Broken

Disbelief

"Thomas! Wake up you shank!" Someone was shaking his shoulder, pulling him out of his dreamless sleep.
Slowly Thomas opened his eyes and groaned, "Mihno I'm asleep."
Mihno had such a wide grin on his face, Thomas thought that he had never seen anyone look so happy and excited before.
"Trust me you're gonna wanna see this," he said before turning and sprinting away.
Thomas moaned again and pulled himself up into a sitting position. He knew something was up if Mihno was acting like that. He pulled on his boots and took off after Mihno. A crowd had gathered all with grins spread across their faces.
What the hell? Thomas thought to himself.
He pushed his way through the crowd until he finally saw what all the fuss was about. Thomas's heart raced and he was sure his legs wouldn't be able to support him anymore.
Standing before him was his friends. His dead friends. Chuck, Alby, Teresa. Thomas searched the crowd. Newt wasn't there. Thomas finally felt his legs fail him and he fell on his knees. Why wasn't Newt there?
"Thomas!" It was Chuck.
"Tom!" Teresa. They were right beside him, smiling up in his face. But Thomas couldn't function right.
"Tommy?" Thomas's heart stopped. He looked behind him. Newt.
Thomas looked in utter disbelief at him. He looked like the boy he had met in the Glade. He had no hole in his head from the bullet Thomas had shot, he didn't have any baled patches from where he had pulled his hair out, and he had no crazed look in his eyes. It was his Newt.
Thomas rose from his knees and looked at him.
"Tommy you look like you've seen a bloody ghost! Well you kinda did," Newt chuckled.
"Y-you were d-dead. I-I shot you right between the eyebrows. You were dead."
"It was all just a test, Tommy. To see what you could do. We all knew it except we couldn't remember because they swiped our memories. And then when we "died" it all came back to us." Thomas couldn't believe what he was hearing and what he was seeing. He had shot him. Thomas couldn't look at Newt anymore. He turned his back and started running.
"Tommy where ya goin'? Newt called after him. But Thomas didn't reply. He couldn't reply. He kept running until he was out of sight.
Thomas buried his head in his hands muttering to himself that it couldn't be real. It just couldn't. Too many bad things had happened to him that he knew something wasn't right.
"Tommy?" Thomas turned around and saw Newt walking towards him. "I'm real Tommy. I'm alive. I always was. Do you think I'd leave ya here alone with that shuck face, Minho?"
"I thought you were dead. I shot you. I see it every night. Every shucking night, Newt. I can't sleep, because I only have nightmares and then I find no happiness in waking because everyone is gone. And now all of you just show up alive, and I'm just supposed to welcome you all with open arms after thinking for months that I'd never see you again? I'm sorry but that's not gonna happen! I know something's up because this sort of thing only happens in fairy tales and the ideal world. We live in catastrophe! I've seen too much to believe this klunk! I'm probably dreaming and I'm gonna wake up now any second." Thomas pinched himself on his forearm, waiting for the world around him to dissolve into a black abyss, but nothing happened.
"I'm sorry Tommy, I truly am. I never wanted to hurt you, no one did. When I told you to shoot me the look on your face-" Newt stopped, gathering himself, "it nearly broke my heart." Newt's eyes glistened with unshed tears. He turned away from Thomas and faked a laugh before wiping his eyes. "I had to come up with loads of klunk to insult you and see what your reaction would be. And when I begged you- God it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. You're not the only one who has nightmares. Ever bloody night I see your shuck face contorted in agony just before you pull the trigger. And I just want to shake you and tell you everything's fine, that I'm alright but I can't. But now I can."
Thomas didn't know what to say. Tears formed in his eyes.
"That moment when I saw the amount of pain on your face, everything was confirmed." Newt said quietly.
"What was?" Thomas asked.
"That I'm in love with you, Tommy."