Fate/Harem Antics

Chapter-4

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Chapter 4

It took Zouken Matou hours to put himself back together.

  What?

  It wasn’t like having half a ton of stone and wood dropped on him was anywhere near the most lethal thing to ever happen to him.  As he managed to draw in enough of his worm familiars to regrow his body, he took stock of the situation

.  Sakura and that troublesome servant had run away while he was indisposed and that useless boy was nowhere to be seen. 

Now he was out one valuable puppet and one valuable servant.

  And no doubt the servant would be protecting his pawn from him.  He might be ancient and knowledgeable, but he didn’t fancy his chances against Medusa. 

“Fine,” he muttered.  “I’ll do this myself.”

Summoning without a specific catalyst was a risky trick, but he was there when they’d made the god damned Grail.  He could make this work. 

He went about fixing up his summoning circle, his worms crawling across the ground and leaving trails of slime and pus to fill in the gaps caused by the ceiling falling in. 

“Now then.  Let’s see if I’ve still got it.”  He began to chant, the familiar mantra rolling of his tongue.  After all, he’d been around for every Matou summoning since the very first Grail war. 

The explosion that heralded his servant’s appearance was much smaller than the one that had revealed Sakura’s.  Zouken couldn’t help a small smirk as he recognized the black shrouded figure in the center of the circle.

“I am Servant Assassin,” the woman said, her voice low soft.  “So, you are to be my master?”

“Indeed,” Zouken said.  Ah, Assassin, his favorite of the servants classes by far.  Yes, he could work with this. 

“Now, there’s no time to waste.  I have a mission for you.”

He scowled as the Assassin hesitated.  “Of course,” she said evenly, her voice only slightly stilted.

“What was that?” Zouken said.  He was in absolutely no mood for games.

“There is a foul air to this place master,” Assassin said.  “It’s… disconcerting.”

“What my home feels like is not relevant to your orders,” Zouken snarled.  “You will obey me, is that understood?”

“Of course,” the servant said again with the exact same tone.Zouken had enough.

  He stepped forward and backhanded Assassin across the face.  It didn’t really do much, but it made him feel better.  At least until his skin began to bubble and the horrifically powerful phantasmal poison that coated Assassin’s entire body began to spread through his worms like a virus.  Assassin watched dispassionately as her master’s entire being began to bubble and warp as her lethal toxins spread through his body.

  Zouken tried to reach out to Sakura’s worms, trying to boost his mana levels enough to resist the poison, but he found that connection severed.  He lasted just long enough to scream before his very essence dissolved in to sticky purple goo on the floor of his basement.

Assassin looked down at the mess that used to be her master.  “That’s not normal,” she said, more curious than worried.  It was still slightly disturbing to watch someone succumb to her poisons, but usually they didn’t melt.  Perhaps she could find another Master before her skills could no longer support her without help.  She took a moment to check the Grail’s knowledge of this time period before shapeshifting in to a more discreet outfit and leaving the basement behind.

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“Well that went better than I ever could have hoped,” Irisviel said as she looked down at the results of Assassin’s summoning.

“What happened dear?” Kiritsugu asked, peaking over his wife’s shoulder.

“Well, Zouken tried to summon another servant, and I sent him one of the less awful Assassins.  I figured he’d eventually piss them off enough to get himself killed.”

Kiritsugu looked down at the puddle of purple slime that was once Zouken Matou.  “And I’m guessing he outdid himself.”

“Oh you have no idea,” Irisviel said, trying not to sound too happy.  “That’s what happens when you try to slap a servant with a body entirely covered in deadly poison.”

Kiritsugu sighed. 

“Iri, this whole scheme of yours is about giving our son a harem, right?”  He had long since decided not to argue with his wife’s crazy ideas.  Most of them even turned out fairly well.

........
............  Well, some of them did.

Hope this Won't Turn Out Like the Time They Went To Hunt That Dead Apostle That End Up Become Mincemeat,When Iri Snatched his Cigarette and Threw At the Abinded Gas Station where the The Dead Fucker was.

Thankfully There Wasn't Much People Considering the Dead Apostle Killed Everyone In the Town.

“Of course.”

“And he’s expected to sleep with this harem, right?”

“Of course!  How would I get an army of grandbabies otherwise?”

“And this servant’s entire body is covered in deadly poison?”

Irisviel trailed off as she realized what had just happened.  “I’ll fix this,” she declared. 

“Just give me a minute.  I’m sure I can fix it.”  She pulled a book from… somewhere. 

One that Kiritsugu recognized as being the manifestation of all the rules that Zelretch had put in to place for the Grail. 

“Let’s see… I can de-summon her.  And she’s one of only a few female Assassins anyway.  Not that there’s anything wrong with Jackie, but Shirou will get weird looks if he has too many lolis around…  Oh!”
Kiritsugu shivered as his wife smiled. 

“I assume that means you found something.”

“Oh, did I ever.”  Irisviel shut the book.  “Now let’s see.  Who should I have…”  She giggled wickedly.

  “Oh, she’ll do nicely.  And I might actually manage to make Kotomine kill himself before he does something that forces me to explode that poor excuse for a heart that he has.”

Well Shit.

R.I.P for Kotomine.

May his Cursed Mapu Tofu Filled Utopia Be Fill Because......

That Poor Priest Going to Suffer,See,Just Like I Said.

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In a graveyard halfway around the world, an exorcist who for some reason wasn’t wearing anything below the waist other than tiny shorts and stockings felt the back of her hand burn and a set of three red marks appeared on her skin.

“What?” Caren Hortensia muttered.  “I guess I should go ask what this is all about.”

Well Shit.

Things are getting More Crazy.

But.

HAHAHAHAHAHHHAH!,TAKE THAT YOU BLASTED MOTHERFUCKER OF FAKE PRIEST.THAT'S THE REVENGE FOR THE EVERY MAPU TOFU AND BLACK KEY YOU SENT!.

*sniff*My,Wallet,Why!,Gacha!,Why! *sniff*