My Lancelot

Harry's House

We jump into the car and Eggsy drives us over to Harry's beautiful estate. I squeeze Eggsy's hand and take a deep breath. Here goes nothing. I knock on the door, and almost immediately Harry flings the door open and ushers us in.
"You two idiots!" He roars. "You couldn't shoot the damn dog? You could've been Guinevere and Lancelot!! But instead you choose an animal?! Oh good god, you brought them!" Harry kinda facepalms. I stare at the floor, but Eggsy takes action.
"What? So you actually shot a kind little puppy?!" He counters.
"Yes, I did." Harry states, having regained his composure. "Allow me show you something." He leads us into the bathroom, where a stuffed Yorkie sits on the wall.
"Orders come before bonds!" Harry hollers. So much for composure. "And Pickles here reminds me of that every time I take a shit!" This just got really weird.
"You disgust me!" Eggsy spits. "You shot your dog, and then had it stuffed?"
"No. I brought it home and continued to care for it for eleven more years until it died from a urinary track infection!" What the hell is happening right now?
"How is that possible?" Eggsy whispers.
"The. Gun. Was. A. Blank!" Harry thunders.
"Shit," Eggsy and I whisper in sync.
"Now, judging by the bruised faces and duffle bags, I will assume you need a room and had no where to go," Harry states. We nod silently. "Alright, then. Follow me." He leads us to his guest room. After we get ourselves settled in, we walk down to Harry's study, and talk about nonsense. All of a sudden, Harry's computer beeps.
"Oh my. It's seems that I must go. Stay here, I'll be fine." He leaves, and Eggsy and I watch. Next thing I know, Eggsy is linking Harry's computer up to his glasses,so that we can see everything he sees. We watch him listen to a preacher, hating on gays, African-Americans, abortion and everything in between. Then Harry gets up to leave, but a Lady stops him.
"Where d'you think you're going?"
"I'm off to see my black boyfriend, who is a nurse at the abortion clinic," Harry states.
"You can't just leave," the lady grunts. Harry pulls out a gun. All of a sudden, everyone in the church goes ballistic, killing one another. Even Harry is partaking in the murders. I clutch Eggsy, the horror flashing behind my eyelids. He stares in horror, one arm around me. After a few minutes, Eggsy pats my back a few times.
"It's done," he whispers.
"Is Harry dead?" I choke out. Eggsy shakes his head. I return my attention to the screen. Valentine, a world-famous billionaire, is facing Harry, with a creepy lady at his side with short black hair and swords for legs.
"What happened? I had no control," Harry states, cocking his head.
"A neurological signal was emitted from my new phone chips, which causes anyone who hears it to go absolutely insane!" Valentine lisps. His voice is soooo weird.
"What is the point of that?"
"Well, when the human body gets a virus, it makes a fever to burn it away. The way I see it, the Earth is like the human body. Global warming is the fever, and the human race is the virus. And I, am the cure."
"You're mad," Harry spits.
"It's like those old spy movies you and I love so much," Valentine explains. "I tell you my plan, give you some obscure way to die, then leave you to use even more obscure methods to escape. How does that sound?"
"Perfect, thanks," Harry drawls. Valentine pulls out a gun.
"Well it ain't that kinda movie," Valentine states calmly. Then, much to my horror, he pulls the trigger. Eggsy slams the laptop shut, takes my hand and drags me to the kitchen. He pours two glasses of whiskey and we drink to our fallen friend. The tears start to flow, as does the alcohol, and soon we're both drunk, but still not drunk at the same time.
"We havve too tellll the udder Kingsmens," Eggsy slurs.
"Yeah, buts not right naoh," I state, slightly less drunk. "I mean, we're both very, very drunk!" I giggle. He puts a finger to my lips.
"Shhhshshs, lets just go to sleep!" He mumbles. We stumble to the guest room and collapse into bed, falling asleep almost instantly.

"Ugh, my head!" I grown. "I have one hell of a hangover." Eggsy nods, clutching his skull as well.
"I'll get the Advil," he mutters.
"I'll make the green tea and coffee grounds," I say. Our instant hangover cure is to sniff coffee grounds, drink green tea and take two extra strength Advil. (Not that I know anything about hangovers or being drunk, other then seeing it in movies. GEEZ IM JUST A KID!!) We plop down at the kitchen table and do our little day after ritual.
"What happened last night?" Eggsy groans.
"Hell if I know," I mumble.
"Oh. Oh shit. Harry died," Eggsy howls. I cuddle up with him. I take a sip of my tea and sniff the coffee.
"Yeah, and then we drank whiskey until the sun came up."
"We should tell Arthur."
"Mm, yeah, okay."