Ada Masali - One shots

Show, don't tell

He reached out his hand to her, in a silent invite to follow him on the restaurant improvised dancefloor.

Haziran was tempted to refuse him for a fraction of second, but who was she trying to fool? Despite the increasing awkwardness of the night, she needed to be close to him.
Too close, and too far. Those were the words that defined their relationship the best. They couldn't be together but they couldn't be apart.

She had been really touched by the words of her chosen family during dinner. She couldn't quite wrap her mind around how everybody seemed to suddenly get along - even her mother and Aliye Teyze?!- and how everything seemed to be so fitting. A few weeks ago, she had tried so hard to reach that peace, to convince Aliye and her mother, Poyraz and his mother, to create this harmony from scratch. She had given up, she left, and it simply emerged by itself. Life's so strange. Especially because now that she had it, despite it feeling so genuine, so heartwarming, she didn't quite know what to do with this apparent harmony. Maybe that was the island way? Maybe that's how these people were able to live together this close, year after year, in such a restricted environment ? By putting the past behind and start again with no bad blood?

Haziran wasn't sure she was able to do it herself. Looking around at the table, her heart felt both full and empty, joyful and sad. So much had happen to her in the last days that she couldn't quite understand how she was supposed to feel. The day before, for a short moment, she thought Poyraz was dead. Or maybe herself. One or the other made no difference anyway. And today, she was scheming with him, acting as one brain to take Kutai down, demonstrating again that their chemistry was well beyond the physical.

She was so so so confused...
She took his hand and got up. They started rocking on the music rhythm. Feeling him so close, smelling his scent, his hands on her sides was making her dizzy.

She had left because she wanted to protect herself. But once again she came back. And once again they ended up "together". Even though the reason why she left was still cruelly real. And now, she was so afraid to lose herself completely.

- Won't you look at me?
- I don't want to.
- Why?
- Can we please not talk?

She couldn't look him in the eye. If she was to see any doubt in his eyes, she would be irremediably broken. If she was to see the love? She would be lost. Lost in green eyes. Lost in their depth, their intensity. Lost in his storm too. She didn't have strength left to overcome it again, not alone.

Then he started talking. He told her everything she wished he would tell her when she saw him in the hotel hall, realizing he had followed her to Izmir : that he remembered everything, from the moment he first saw her the day she arrived on the island, every moment that they'd lived, that every action he had taken was thinking of her, that he wanted to be worthy of her love, that he loved her more and more every day.
She felt her heart melting. "I've never loved you anyway". And with the memory came a new pang of panic.

- Can we not talk? she requested again.
- Tamam. We can talk or not talk. Everything will be as you wish from now on Haziran, Poyraz conceded.

She finally looked at him. She dived in his eyes. Did he finally understand how he had hurt her after their breakup, or in Izmir when he screamed all these words? How he had taken the only thing that made their story worth all the heartaches by saying he never loved her, that he had taken away her certainty that what they had lived was unique and beautiful. That their love was the realest and that it was untouchable. Did he realized how betrayed she had felt ?

She stopped dancing and ran away without saying anything. She went to hide in the restaurant bathroom.
"Don't you dare crying over him again" she urged her reflection in the mirror.

What would she do now? Should she leave again? She had hated it in Izmir. And now she was back to square one. She had no job. Finding a boss willing to take her in after she ruined the career of her two previous superiors. She laughed bitterly.
Also, all her family and friends had settled on the island. They were her support system.

She closed her eyes, breathing deeply, trying to visualize the future she would have to fight for once again. Despite herself, she remembered the morning they went swimming. They were still hiding their love from everybody. She had drawn him to the beach at the crack of dawn. The sunrise was spectacular, and the water was so cold. But she wanted to be in the water with him. She wanted to feel again that sensation of being complete, with him, the both of them surrounded by salted water. That was also the only way to be physically close in broad light. She had clung to him, confessing how much she loved him, telling him of the day she had told Mert she was his girlfriend, of the one she realized she was in love with him, remembering him on the day they almost kissed in the photo cabin. She told him how she had dreamt all night of his hands on her. He let her talk, responding silently to her love confession with increasingly deep kisses, to her late night dream description with cold thumbs caressing aroused nipples through her swimsuit fabric. To her heated sighs it provoked with caresses between her thighs...Haziran felt extremely sensual. She was shivering, and thinking she was too cold, he picked her up, hands on her ass, kissing her face, her collarbone, her shoulder and her breasts. He slowly walked them out of the water lifting her, her wrapped legs around him, never taking his mouth off her more than a few seconds, trying to warm her up with his own cold body. He had brought her to the rocks where they had left their beach towels and he vigorously dried her up and down to stop the shivering.

- I am dry, I am dry! She laughed, getting herself out of the towel and wrapping both of them with it instead. She then whispered in his ear : "Well parts of me are still wet... But this towel can't do anything about it. That's not the cold that makes me shiver...You do. Your touch gives me goosebumps."
He dived in her eyes, with fire in his own. He loved her confidence, how transparent she was with him, how she managed to be the cutest thing and the sexiest woman alive at the same freaking time. He took her hand and placed it on his growing erection. She had felt it before, but as they were warming up, she was feeling the blood rushing back to his shaft, pulsing under her palm. Through the heat and electricity buzzing between them she was surprised to hear him say in a caressing and vulnerable tone that switched the mood suddenly :
- Haziran, I am yours. Always. Remember that. Write it in your heart. Whatever happens in this life, I am yours. Body and soul.

Haziran snapped back to the present and her confused reality. She must have spent the last half hour in the bathroom stall and it was time to go. She braced herself and went out with new resolve. She would stay. She couldn't live anywhere else.
She went down to the dining room and realized everybody had left already and waiters were picking up the tables. Everybody but him. He hadn't left. He was waiting for her.
She picked her jacket up from her chair.
- Haziran, gitme. Don't leave. Stay.
For a second, she wondered if maybe she was dreaming the whole night? Had he asked her to stay? Well, he had before hadn't he, she recalled, and what good had it brought her?

- Why? Are you asking because of the hotel? To restore it together? Because I should save myself from the bad people in Izmir? Why shouldn't I leave, Poyraz?

Her tone was sarcastic, her eyes disillusioned. Poyraz felt it was his last chance. He gulped, gavering his courage. 24h ago he was confronting his biological father, daring him to kill him. He saw his dead body of the concrete a few meters away. Still he felt that this moment was a greater testament of courage. He had to let go of the last protection to his heart if he wanted her to stay. For Haziran, he had to chose: all or nothing.
He decided to go all in:

- Don't leave me, he simply said.

She smiled.

- I wasn't even thinking of leaving, Haziran replied. That is for now. It all depends on how happy I am here, she dared him.
- I will make you happy Haziran.
- We will see, she shrugged. I heard it many times before.
- This time I promise, really, you'll see.
- I don't want to hear it anymore. I want to see it.
- You will, Poyraz vowed. You can trust me.
- I'll see you tomorrow then... partner.

She would give him one more chance. One last chance. And for the first time for weeks, Poyraz felt hopeful. For the first time in weeks, he was happy. He was hers and he was going to make sure she wanted to be his again.