Between Then & Now || Currently Editing for Wattys 2022

22.

In.

My chest rises, expanding as cool air floods my lungs. An energy runs from the tips of my toes to my head, the pressure of my body against the ground calming me.

Out.

My chest decompresses. The light of morning sun bleeds through my closed eyelids and the heat of it kisses the bare skin of my chest, forearms, legs.

Hey La

My mind sputters, pulling me out of my meditative state. In. I focus on the presence of my shirt's fabric against my stomach. The touch of the wind on my nose. Out.

I know it's been a while.

No, shit, Sherlock. It's been thirteen years. 

Wind. Pressure. Warmth. Light. In. Out. 

Fucker.

Piece of shit.

Oh, yeah, it's been a while. 

Oh, my bad, sorry I didn't call–I just wasn't exactly expecting my father to abandon me at twelve years old.

I groan, opening my eyes. Above, light filters through the treetops towering above me. Almost immediately, the sound of metal jingling comes from somewhere past my heads, and, after a few moments, Thelma's little head takes over my vision. She cocks her head at me for a moment before starting to lick my forehead.

A laugh bubbles up from my throat. "Thelma." I can't help but smile at her innocence. As I sit up, I turn to face her, scratching behind her ears as she gets on her hind paws and places her front ones on my chest. We stare at each other for a moment, my hand petting her soft puppy fur.

I hadn't left our campsite, yet. I had thirty minutes left in my reservation, and, frankly, hadn't been in the mindset to start driving again.

And recollect my thoughts.

My white van still sits a few feet behind me, trees towering above. The sky is completely clear today and sunny and cheerful and I glare back at it because fuck that. What kind of poetic irony? My hand mindlessly pets Thelma and I glare at the sky and glare and glare.

Then, her head moves suddenly, and I jump, my heart stopping. I turn to wherever she's looking and I see the deer right away, just on the grassy side of the trees, right in the opening. It sniffs, and takes a step forward, nose twitching.

I lean back, not sure if I should get up and leave or if that would scare it or if I should pet it. But, frankly, I don't have the time to play Mother Nature's game right now. I don't see the beauty of the wind rustling the leaves or of the bright blue, vast sky above or of the white of the deer's ears in front of me.

The deer stops, lowering its head and looking at me. I glare at it. When I stand up, it takes a step back, but I just continue with what I'm doing, rolling the yoga mat up and grabbing the phone from the grass.

As I stand back up, it's still staring at me. Black–pink nose twitching. Ears perked up. After a few seconds, it takes another step forward and I glare, yoga mat under my arm.

"What?" I snap. It stops, beady eyes staring into mine. "What do you want? I don't have any food."

After a moment, it takes a step back. Stupid deer. Its eyes look into mine. Thelma takes a step toward it and looks back at me then back at the deer. It looks at her, lowers its head again to sniff.

But I don't have time for this. I need to get the hell out of here. Now.

"Get!" I yell, shooing it with my free hand. Its head snaps up and it looks at me again, startling. I take a step forward, a stick snapping under my foot. "Go!" I yell, and, in a heartbeat, it turns around and runs back into the woods without a glance back.

Thelma looks back at me, tail tucked between her legs. For a moment, I feel bad. Her ears are down, and she turns around, trotting back to me, tail still tucked. But I just pick her up, put her in the passenger seat and the yoga mat on the floor, and get into the van.

And I drive. I have no idea where I'm going, but I'm driving and I'm driving and I'm driving because, right now, I need to be anywhere but here.