Between Then & Now || Currently Editing for Wattys 2022

33.

Dante hasn't said a word. Jo's been texting me nonstop. And I've driven three hundred miles away. I've been reading Jo's texts as they popped up on my phone stuck to the dashboard. But I haven't been responding to them. Or saying anything at all. I know that Jo wasn't the one who did anything. She didn't choose to lead me on or however you would explain what Dante did. But she knew. And she chose not to tell me. She let me think I was living some Disney channel love story when all this time, I had no idea what story I had actually been living.

Ola, I'm so sorry.

Can I call you and explain?

He didn't mean to hurt you.

My eyes feel like dice in my head. Explain. Right. No, we're back to fuck shitty men again because, seriously, fuck shitty men. Acting all cool with his tattoo. Stupid smirk, stupid winks, stupid "She's a women, Jeff, not a cup of coffee." I mean, how different are they, really?

I lean back to put my phone into my shorts' pocket, and turn the keys in the ignition, the van shuddering to a still. The green awning of the front door of the book store is dull under the cloudy sky, and I sigh. At least our moods matched here. Nothing like a cloudy forecast on a shitty ass day.

Lord knows what town I'm in now. I think it's some suburb of Cleveland. It doesn't really matter.

Some cars pass by, some of the first I'd seen in a while, and I turn my blinker on, turning down main street. There are few coffee shops, some car stores, an ice cream shop with a line a mile out the door.

Who was she?

Did Dante cheat on her by kissing me?

Oh no. There's no way I did the same thing to that girl that Tessa did to me. I didn't even know about her. Dante is the only person to blame here. But I can't help but feel bad, anyway.

At least one of us has morals, I guess.

My fingers tap the wheel, anxious to get to nowhere. Then, I see it. Just a rinky dink bookstore across from a gated golf course. The awning is a faded, dark green, and the lettering on the front windows of the shop are gold. Books Inc.

The old lady in the first gas station I stopped in flashed into mind. Her gray, braided hair. The rings on her fingers. The book with the yellowed pages.

I never thought I'd take up reading after film school. Movies are just so much more... immersive. Like you can actually live whatever story you want for an hour or two, engrossed in the big screen. But books aren't too bad. Especially not after watching what feels like a million and five films over the last few years.

I pull into a spot on the curb outside the shop and give Thelma a little pat before heading into the bookstore. The street is basically empty, and, when I open the door, the tiny bell above it rings, and an elderly man steps out from some room beyond the counter.

"Hello," he says, awkwardly taking a seat on the stool behind the register. He smiles, his wrinkles moving with his expression. He almost looks like an old, wise tree. Like one of those from Lord of the Rings. "We close in ten minutes, just to give you a heads up."

"Thanks," I nod and look around, taking in the small shop. It smells like paper and ink and everything you would expect a book shop to smell like. I have no idea where I would find other books like the one the old woman gave me. This is completely new territory to me; I was probably in middle school the last time I went into a bookstore. So, I just start wandering around, picking up a few books, reading the back of them, and either putting them back or hanging onto them.

By the time I get to the register, I only have three books in hand. But it's not like I'm exactly a fast reader, so they will do. The man doesn't say anything as he bags up the books and takes my cash, putting it in the register and handing me some change.

Then, he nods out the front door of the store and he looks back at me, the smile back on his face. "I used to have one of those when I was your age. Of course, they weren't that nice. They kind of reeked of pot half the time. But everyone was obsessed with 'em." He looks back out the window then up at me. "Nice to see some of the youth can still manage to separate themselves from the material world every once in a while." A nostalgic smile falls across his eyes as he glances at the van one last time. "Probably some of the most freeing months I've had in my life. I learned a lot."

I chuckle and look over my shoulder, at the van where Thelma's crawled over to my seat and has pressed her nose against the window. "Yeah, definitely learning a lot."

He looks up at me and slowly gets up from his seat to go back to the backroom. Before I turn to head out of the store, he gives me one last smile. "Enjoy it. Even if it's hard. Life is a beautiful thing."