the diary of my hidden heart

the end.

waking up to hoppers call like usual, i slowly sit up from the bed and i stare around my room.

i hear hoppers knock and for the first time, i tell him to come in.

the door almost opens instantly. he walks in with a smile and i force one back.

"morning," i whisper as he smiles towards me, "morning, kid." he heads to me and cups my face before kissing my hair.

i sigh against his chest and nod, "i'll get ready now."

"breakfast?" he asks and i shake my head silently.

he nods and takes that as a sign to leave me alone and with a small wave, he exits my room.

i look ahead at my desk, noticing my diary and then i look at my necklace.

the lock and the key.

standing up, the first thing i do is walk towards it and hoop my necklace around it before i smile and nod. knowing i have and will remember to take it out.

and that leads to where i was now.

i arrive at the front of mike's house at 7:30 in the morning. i know that he is not awake yet.

he lives by the school and would not wake up so early.

so slowly, i drop down to my knees, placing the diary down on the doormat.

i stare at the lock on it.

then the necklace i placed around it with the key for it.

the words 'el's diary' i wrote in small words at the corner of the book.

"i'll miss you," i whisper with tears streaming down my cheeks before i stand up to leave.

i look back at the house with a frown before i leave the front porch and head off.

the cliff was where i ended up. i really hope he will be mike and not read it till he hears about what i have done.

for him to place it in his bag and leave for school.

i hope he doesn't loose the necklace or else he will have to break the lock if he ever does decide to read it.

smiling, i sit down at the edge, my legs dangling off as i take out my flask and my gun from my pockets.

i sigh out, removing my vape then taking a hit of it with a small smile.

last night, i gave hopper a good night hug and kiss. i'm certain he thought something was wrong.

and something was.

i look down at my phone, seeing a text from will.

will: gone to school early?

should i reply? probably not.

i look down at my flask, then open it before i gag at the smell of the random acid i stole.

it stinks. a lot.

but i have to drink it. not without some cuts first though.

i take the cutter out, pull the blade up, then i start to cut.

over and over again. on my arms, my wrist, my thighs. my stomach, my neck.

i just do it and do it without thinking. my cuts bleed. it gushes out with red. the sand around me stains with it.

then i smile. lay down on the sand. stare up at the sun.

"mama.." i whisper, "my time is up." i clock the gun as i feel my blood pool around me.

i grab the flask. i hold it up in the air to inspect.

"what will mike think when he reads my dairy?" i ask to myself, "will he blame me? or pity me more?"

"will he even read it?" i scoff and rub my eyes that was filled with tears.

"i bet he wouldn't. it's mine.. he wouldn't care.." i cry to myself as tears stream down face.

"i don't think he will even notice that it is mine." i laugh to myself as i feel myself fall tired.

i pull the flask towards my mouth, tilt my head back then i feel the insane burn.

i almost cry and cough it out but i force myself to drink it all. i force it down my throat and i let out a insane amount of coughs as i feel the burn.

but i wait.

with my head laid on the side on the sand, i wait till i feel it burn up my insides enough before i bring the gun to my head.

and it hurts. the burns in me. i could barely move anymore.

with the cuts added to my body, i could barely take the insane amount of pain.

but i also like the pain in a way.

for some reason. i did.

and when i got weak enough, i brought the gun to my head just in case i don't die from the burns.

as i shut my eyes, i prepared myself with only two things on my mind.

him.

and my love for him.

and that's the last thing i thought of before i pulled the trigger.

and i don't regret it.

not even one bit.

dying was the most comforting feeling i have felt in a while.