This is How I Feel About You, Starlight | Seongjoong

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If Hongjoong has to be honest with himself, things might not be fine anymore.

But he isn't so it's still fine.

He's working on that, okay?

He has been trying to control his jealousy by trying not to get jealous, and even if he does get jealous, he's pretty sure he has become better at not showing it now. And he is truly proud of that.

There is only one downside of this plan; he is spending more time at his studio and less time basking in the sunlight that is Seonghwa's presence.

It was the only thing he could come up with after the shitshow he pulled off at Inkigayo with Seonghwa and the idol guy. He should not have done that but it is too late now for regrets.

While the other members aren't complaining about this new arrangement a lot, Seonghwa has been biting Hongjoong's ear off and nagging him to come home at every chance. Hongjoong just ignores him even if he feels bad.

The musical results of his time spent at the studio pays off a lot, because now he has dozens of new songs he has written at fuck o'clock at night and in the morning, and Eden and Maddox are satisfied with most of them.

Is Hongjoong happy with how improved his composing skills are?

Definitely.

Does Hongjoong miss being at home?

Sometimes.

Does Hongjoong feel bad for missing what the members do and bond over in daily life?

A little.

Does Hongjoong miss being around Seonghwa?

So fucking much.

But he can't be around him. He can't because it's distracting and Hongjoong doesn't like distractions. He likes his mind clear and focused. He likes knowing what's happening and what he's going to do and what the results will be like. But with Park Seonghwa around, none of these happen, so it's very frustrating.

Therefore, Hongjoong starts to avoid Seonghwa in a consistent but subtle way that won't catch attention. And gradually, he succeeds in his plan of taking control of how close they are.

The downside? He misses him.

He misses the way Seonghwa looks at him with sparkles in his eyes and gives warm smiles. He misses the lingering touches and how Seonghwa dotes on him. He misses the way people think of them as a one being, assuming they'll be together on any occasion, that they are Seonghwa and Hongjoong of ATEEZ.

Now there is only hurt and melancholy in Seonghwa's eyes when he looks at Hongjoong and he gives polite smiles. Now his touches are ordinary and he keeps his distance. Now they are Seonghwa and Hongjoong of ATEEZ, not Seonghwa and Hongjoong. Just like Hongjoong wanted things to be but it still breaks his poor heart every time.

So Hongjoong creates a world for only himself in his studio and retreats there. Seonghwa sometimes jokingly but also not-so-jokingly complains that he is lonely and Hongjoong should come home more often (even in front of fans). Hongjoong says sorry. Nothing changes.

Therefore, right now, Hongjoong knows that he himself has brought this added misery to his already existent one by his own hands. With not coming home often enough.

WooSanHwa.

Who would've known that a simple thing like Seongwa hanging around with their friends could turn into something that Hongjoong hates with every fibre of his being?