The Prince and the Punk [EDITING]

Chapter 30

Xavier

Buddhists believe that life is inherently full of suffering. Supposedly, this suffering is brought on by greed, which can't ever be satiated by material possessions. They also believe in the impermanence of most aspects of life, and that thinking otherwise is another cause of suffering.

Before he found enlightenment and taught these beliefs, the Buddha was a prince who, upon realizing just how much misery existed outside of his small, sheltered world, crusaded and experimented for years in search of enlightenment. When he reached it, he realized that the secret to joy was balance—neither luxury nor squalor—which is referred to as "The Middle Way."

While I doubt I'll be starting any type of worldwide religion anytime soon, I feel a surprising level of connection to the Buddha; we're both princes who've come to the simple yet inevitable conclusion that you can't always get what you want, and trying is not only fruitless, but miserable as well.

Desiree is my Middle Way. Settling for her is giving up my desire for the unattainable and committing to a life of balance and relative calm.

Of course, if I wanted true inner peace, I'd probably leave the palace and wander around for a few years, but for now I think I'm happy just being semi-satisfied.

Since the engagement, things have gotten much easier. I still think I'm too young to get married, but if I have to, I think I can live with Desiree. My parents love her, and when they aren't aggressively strategizing about the war, they're talking with her. Her father is quite possibly the only man alive who even comes close to the king in terms of social standing, and he's strangely informal with my dad. They act like old friends, the relationship cemented by their new status as in-laws.

Every day feels like an awkward Thanksgiving, as I'm constantly surrounded by and forced to make awkward small talk with Desiree and our parents.

My father and I are back on speaking terms. I'm still disgusted with him, but lately, we've managed to have a few civil conversations. He's started treating me like his son again instead of some protester. My theory is that before, I challenged his authority. He's an absolute monarch with an empire that literally spans the whole world, and I don't think he does very well when anyone undermines his power, which is exactly what I did with Janice. Now that I've more or less submitted to his will, he's become a lot less aggressive towards me.

My mother remains the same, but now I can see the quiet dissatisfaction that's always been just beneath her skin. Her wide eyes sometimes fixate on some unknown spot for minutes at a time, a behavior I've noticed before but couldn't understand until now. What I've always mistaken for natural regality and stoicism now seems to be a physical effort to hold up a heavy weight. I worry a lot about her.

What upsets me most is how little I see Katie. Between all the press conferences, weird family meals, wedding plans, and time spent with Desiree, I hardly ever get to talk to her.

The first time she and Desiree meet is one of the most awkward moments of my life.

Desiree comes with me to Katie's room one day. My sister's tiny face immediately scrunches up when she sees Desiree standing with me in her doorway.

"Who's that?" she asks.

"Katie, this is Desiree," I say. Desiree bends down and holds out a hand for Katie to shake.

She stares at it, unmoving.

"Uh, it's nice to meet you, Katie," Desiree says sweetly, clearly a bit fazed by my sister's lack of interest. "I've heard a lot about you."

Katie looks up at me. "I thought you liked Janice," she says accusingly.

Desiree gives me a look, and I wince.

"Janice had to leave," I tell Katie. "We talked about this."

"But you said she was coming back."

"Katie..." I warn.

"I'm just as cool as Janice," Desiree interjects. She says Janice's name with a barely perceptible hint of venom. "Maybe cooler."

"Uh-huh. Will you play Two To Tango?" Katie asks.

"What's that?" Desiree replies.

"It's a game we made up," I jump in. "Scattergories meets charades."

"Why did you call it that?" she laughs.

Katie scowls. "I named it that. It's a cool name."

No one speaks, and the tension in the room grows so thick you couldn't cut it with a knife—you'd need a chainsaw.

Desiree clears her throat. "I like your... horse," she attempts, gesturing to the bright blue stuffed horse on Katie's bed. "I have a real horse."

"So do I," Katie replies matter-of-factly.

"Hey, Desiree," I start before the situation can get any more uncomfortable, "do you maybe wanna put a lunch order in downstairs?"

Desiree takes the hint, nods, and leaves.

"Katie, what's up with you?" I demand when the older girl is gone.

"I don't like her."

"Well, I'm sorry, but she's here to stay," I say, turning to leave.

"Xavier," she calls before I reached the door.

I look back at her. She's staring me down, her hard expression clashing with her bright orange, flower-covered dress.

"You picked the wrong girl."

- - - -

On Sunday, there's no plan. Desiree and I have the afternoon to ourselves, and as always, my father suggests she and I spend it together. It's a welcome break from an exhausting week, and although the ideal option would be to spend the day alone, spending it with Desiree is the next best thing. At times she can be so quiet I forget about her.

We spend the day in the theater. It was my idea, since it doesn't require us to talk to each other. She never laughs or gasps or cries, and when I glance over at her, I see her staring glassy-eyed at the screen. No emotion is present on her face as she observes the screen without expression.

I sigh. I guess this is the life I'm destined for—sitting in silence beside a pretty girl with zero personality.

Buddhists believe in reincarnation. It plays into their idea of life being both impermanent and endless. For me, it's the most scientifically plausible answer to what happens after death. Human beings are made up of trillions of atoms, unfathomably small and numerous, sticking together for a few decades and somehow creating a conscious life form. When we die, those atoms scatter, effectively making the world one giant, incestuous ball of drifting atoms being constantly recycled. We're broken down to our most basic ingredients, which eventually float off to become something new. I like to think that whatever makes up our souls does as well.

So if this is my life, I can take comfort in the idea that maybe it isn't my only one. Maybe if I play my cards right, the next one will be better.

++++

Jeez, Xavier is so existential! Lighten up, man!

I have a really bad habit of making chapters that are multiples of ten really uneventful. Hopefully this one didn't feel too much like an essay lol. Also, what do we think of Desiree? Do you trust her or is she just in Xavier's way?

Vote and comment or even just send me a PM if you've made it this far—I'm always bored and down to talk, especially to me readers!