*TW - This chapter contains mentions of Suicide, if your feeling like this please seek help. Your not alone and you never will be. My DM's are always open if you ever need to talk.
*20 years ago - 4 weeks after Harper's death*
"How's Kelly doing?" Boden asked as he sat at his desk
"He's getting there, slowly" Dawson explained
"And Casey?" Boden asked
"He's struggling but he's trying not to show it" Dawson explained as she sighed
Boden leaned back in his chair and rubbed his temples
"How are you holding up?" Dawson asked
"Yeah! I'm great!" Boden admitted
"Chief, cmon" Dawson said
"I'm fine Gabby" Boden replied
It's later that night and Boden is heading home for the night, he walks by Harper's quarters and pauses. He freezes but yet he doesn't know why. He then feels a hand on his shoulder
"You alright chief?"Herrmann asked
"Yeah, I am" Boden said as he snapped out of it
He then walked away, when he got into his car he saw Herrmann still looking at him so he drove away. He parked at the side of a highway and burst into tears. He then looked at his side mirror to see a truck approaching, he stepped his foot onto his clutch,revving his engine. He put his hands on the steering wheel, he wanted this feeling to go away. He blamed himself for not being able to save her as did Kelly and Casey. The truck got closer and Boden turned his wheel before somehow stopping himself and the truck driving right past his car. He hit his wheel angrily before sobbing once more.
He got home an hour later to see Herrmann sitting on his porch
"I'm leaving" He admitted
"What?" Herrmann asked
"I can't do it, I've lost too many men in that firehouse and I'm constantly reminded of it!" Boden said as he sat down next to Herrmann
"Harper wasn't on your watch" Herrmann added
"No! But Otis was! So was Cruz and Shay! That's 3 people Herrmann! That I've killed!" Boden sobbed
"It wasn't your fault what happened to any of them" Herrmann explained
Boden sighed as his head fell into his hands
"I'm leaving too then" Herrmann admitted
"What?!" Boden asked as his head shot up
"Your not leaving 51 on your own, I'm not going to let you do that" Herrmann said as he smiled
"I was on the highway and I was an inch from pulling out in front of a truck. I wanna end it, I want it to be over. I want to feel something again!" Boden sobbed
"Oh chief" Herrmann said as he hugged him
*Present Day*
After about an hour Harper stopped crying and Kelly hasn't left her side
"Why didn't you move on?" Harper asked as she rested her head on his shoulder
"I couldn't, I tried but it didn't feel right" Kelly said
Harper just stared at the floor
"Where did you go?" Kelly asked
"Italy, where we went on our honeymoon" Harper explained
"Why there?" Kelly asked
"Do you think I wanted to leave you? The kids? 51? I fought and fought but this was the one thing I didn't have any control over. I wanted to call you so bad but I couldn't. I wanted to grow old with you and watch my grandkids grow up" Harper explained
"I would have dropped everything to come with you, the kids would've loved growing up in Italy" Kelly laughed
"It wasn't fair, you had a life here and I didn't wanna come between that" Harper said
"You were my life Harper" Kelly said
"I'm sorry" Harper added
Kelly then kissed her
"I love you" Kelly said
"I love you too" Harper replied
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New Blood, One Family - A Christmas Special
FanfictionLife goes on, the clock never stops ticking, the human race never stops growing. Loosing a wife never contributes to that. Harper was dead to put it bluntly, she had been for 20 years now. Kelly got on with his life like any mourning husband would...
