GOOD ₄ U °ʜʏᴜɴɢᴡᴏɴʜᴏ°

I've Spent The Night Crying On The Floor Of My Bedroom

You know, those moments in your life when you feel nervous and glittery for no real reason?
 
Well, this was Hoseok's case at the moment. He was driving to Shownu's dorm, where all the guys were, and he could feel his heart stammering in his chest. In addition, his hands were sweaty and he was trying to calm his accelerating breathing. He didn't know why, but he had a bad feeling about it. Maybe... Maybe it was because they hadn't seen each other for a few moments? All seven?
 
All seven.
 
Seven meaning Hyungwon too. Hyungwon was going to be there, as he always was every time they were all of them together, but it didn't help to lower Hoseok's heartbeat. It did the same thing every time, but the dancer simply could not help it. Just looking at Hyungwon, his cute smile, his shy demeanor when Wonho was around...It always did things to the latter. And he absolutely hated it, because he wasn't supposed to. Not after so much time, not when he had been dating Yuna until very recently...It felt so wrong to still love his ex when he had had several girlfriends after him, especially since Hoseok was the one who ended it.
 
Well, maybe it had a part to do with the fact that Hoseok had had several girlfriends, something not very usual for him. He may have dated two people before Hyungwon, and he wasn't one to break up and search for someone else right after but he started doing so after their breakup. Every time he came across a pretty girl with a good personality, no matter how great she was, there was nothing to do. She wasn't Hyungwon, and this was the problem. So he kept trying to look for someone hopelessly, while knowing that it was wrong and impossible, and he felt so damn guilty about it.
 
Hoseok now felt like he needed someone, needed someone to replace his ex and heal his broken heart. It never worked, and he knew it never would. And of course, maybe this sounded hypocritical of him to think like that after he broke up with Hyungwon, but it wasn't like he had wanted to. He just could not handle the thought of Hyungwon waiting for him dumbly, and he was sure he would hurt the younger less this way. Sending that text, that morning, was the hardest thing Wonho even had to do. But he didn't want to hurt his lover; he didn't even know when they could see each other again and kept thinking about how dangerous it would be if someone discovered they were together. Gay couples weren't seen well in Korea, and that was something he could deal with, but Hoseok could not deal with the thought of dirtying Hyungwon's name. What would people think? Chae Hyungwon is gay, and he is dating that weird junkie?!
 
No, no, he didn't want him to be hurt because of his ruined reputation. He just wanted to protect Hyungwon. Even if that meant hurting himself, he didn't mind; his boyfriend(or rather, ex) was the most important thing. Having to move from the dorm had killed him, leaving Monsta X was like being torn apart and taking a part of himself, but the thought of hurting his bandmates was even worse. Hoseok would rather take all the pain instead, he could handle it(he could not).
 
So yeah, the singer spent the day crying in bed. And when he actually saw the guys again, Hoseok actually cried. He cried so hard, so happy to see them again, but also hiding the fact that seeing Hyungwon again after so much time hurt him like nothing else. He had seen the way the man avoided him, which was totally understandable, but also made Hoseok feel more guilty than ever. He knew he had hurt his ex-bandmate, but Wonho was sure the man was better off without him. He was adorable, talented and just a gorgeous person with a gorgeous mind; he could find just anyone he wanted to. Hoseok wasn't that special anyway, right?