the way i loved you

3

"So I'll take this bed and you take that one?" Granger hadn't looked at her since after dinner, instead her eyes were focused on the purple sheets that donned the four poster beds.

"What if I want that bed?" Pansy asked with a smirk. Granger sighed deeply and finally locked eyes with her.

"Do whatever you want Pansy, I don't care anymore."

"That implies you cared before," Granger made her way to the bathroom, closing the door but poking her head out to respond.

"I did," the door clicked closed softly as Pansy was left in darkness. She scrunched her nose, who does she think she is?

Never mind that, Pansy went to claim the bed Granger wanted but hesitated. She looked at the other bed before grumbling to herself and throwing herself onto it.

When Hermione emerged from the showers and found Pansy reading on the bed she "didn't want", she smiled softly and sneaked a few glances at the tall girl.

Pansy noticed, closing her book and looking at Granger in annoyance.

"This one is closer to the bathroom anyway," she said defensively. Granger said nothing, but her smile did grow as she pulled back the sheets and slid into bed.

After a few minutes of silence her soft voice once again floated into Pansy's ears.

"Goodnight, Pansy." Hermione then closed her curtains wandlessly and put out her light. Pansy did the same and turned over, closing her eyes in an effort to drift off.

"Goodnight Granger."

***

The next morning Pansy woke up to something furry in her mouth and her airway blocked. She sat up suddenly and coughed, seemingly choking on air. 

"What the fuck?" She grumbled sleepily. A deep meow sounded from the foot of Pansy's bed and she looked to find Granger's ugly cat licking it's paws. She groaned and fell back flat onto her pillow. 

"Granger get your stupid fucking felion out of my bed!" There was no response. "Hello?! Granger?" Pansy looked over at Hermione's bed to find the curtains shit tight. She rolled her eyes and slipped out from under her sheets. Stomping quite loudly, she went to tell Hermione off, but was met with an invisible barrier moving through her. 

A silencing charm?

Realization flooded through Pansy and she smirked. Naughty naughty, Granger, who would have thought?

But when Pansy pulled back the drapery she was surprised to find Hermione asleep, tossing and turning wildly with her mouth opened into what looked like a scream. Panic set in quickly and Pansy tried poking Hermione's arm lightly. When that didn't work she gripped her shoulders tightly to stop her from moving.

"Granger!" she yelled, "Granger wake up!" She kept yelling over and over again, but to no avail. The silencing charm was too strong, but Pansy kept trying.

"Hermione! Come on you stubborn bint, wake up!" Hermione's eyes flew open and she sat up in a panic. She looked to be hyperventilating, but Pansy couldn't tell without her hearing. Hermione finally noticed her, and once Pansy motioned towards her ears the charm was lifted. Pansy's ears popped and with great relief she could hear again. 

That also meant she could hear Hermione's sobs.

"Hey, hey, you're okay. You're alright Hermione, I've got you." Hermione looked at Pansy with tear-filled eyes and immediately fell into her chest. Pansy was shocked, but didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around the shaking girl. 

They must have sat there for an hour, with Pansy smoothing Hermione's hair and holding her close. When the smaller girl did finally stop sniffling she sat back and wiped her eyes, embarrased at her behavior. Pansy couldn't help but feel a bit saddened at the loss of contact.

"I'm so sorry Pansy, I didn't mean to unload on you. I'm okay now." 

"It's okay Granger, we all get nightmares," Pansy went to get up but stopped herself, "But, maybe stop putting up silencing charms? If you're in trouble I'd appreciate knowing." Hermione nodded, a faint blush appearing. Pansy nodded and went back to her side of the dorm. 

"Hey Pansy?" Hermione called. 

"Yeah?" 

"Thank you."

"No problem, Granger." Pansy turned get her shower things. 

"And Pansy?" Pansy looked back once again.

"Yes?"

"Can you call me Hermione? You already did before." Pansy closed her eyes for a moment, thinking. 

"No problem, Hermione."

***

The next week went by like clockwork, the two girls would eat meals with their friends, spend their days apart, and then at night would go to sleep; all the while not speaking a word to each other besides 'good morning' and 'good night'.

But in the early hours of the morning, when most of the castle was asleep, is when Hermione would start screaming. And just like every night, Pansy would drag herself out of bed and hold her close, whispering soothing words in her ear and smoothing her hair down. When Hermione had finally calmed down, Pansy would return to her bed and go back to sleep, resetting the routine.

The pair were perfectly content with this arrangement. They weren't friends, not in the literal sense, but those few hours every morning were in a world of their own, untouched by outside bias and prejudice. 

They would sneak glances and small smiles throughout the day, but other than that they stuck to their respective groups. 

But regardless of what either of them said, things had changed. 

Pansy no longer participated in the snickering behind the Gryffindor's back, instead opting to study the girl, disguising it as scrutiny. Pansy was fascinated, completely and utterly taken with Hermione. What was not to love about the Golden Girl? 

Her laugh was like a strike of lightning, electrifying everyone in the room, caramel eyes bright; especially when talking about the things she loved, like her favorite book that week. 

Pansy knew it was strange for her attention to be stolen so easily, and quickly for that matter, but for some reason Hermione Granger had inbedded herself into Pansy's mind. It wasn't healthy, and she often wanted it to go away, but then Hermione would smile at her and all of it faded away. 

Is this what they called a crush? Such an adolescent word couldn't describe how she was feeling for Hermione. It was like a tsunami was flooding her with joy everytime she was near. 

It was dangerous for Pansy to feel this way, she knew, and it couldn't fester. But, for now, she was content with their secret rendezvous.

As long as she kept her emotions in check, she could crush on Hermione as much as she wanted. Nothing would ever come of it anyway.