the way i loved you

6

When Pansy woke the next morning there was an empty space beside her. She started panicking, looking around the room in search of Hermione.

What if she regretted it?

Her heart was pounding in her chest when the bathroom door opened, steam pouring out around the girl that emerged. Pansy sighed in relief, Hermione hadn't left her.

Hermione walked over to the bed they had shared and smiled down at Pansy.

"Hi."

"Hello, darling," Pansy whispered. Hermione bent down and placed a chaste kiss on Pansy's lips.

"Hurry up and get dressed, it's time for breakfast," Hermione told her. Pansy hated herself for what she was about to do.

"Um, Hermione?" Hermione had walked over to the wardrobe, sifting through each item of clothing carefully. She seemed to have decided on a deep green jumper and muggle jeans, turning around and laying both on the bed. Hermione glanced up at Pansy, her attention clearly divided.

"Yes, love?" Pansy sighed, she didn't want to ruin this.

"Don't you think we should, you know, talk?" Hermione froze in the middle of pulling up her pants. She buttoned them before sitting down beside Pansy, all the while not making eye contact.

"What would you like to talk about?"

"Well, us? We never established anything and I don't want to assume, but we also never really worked out what you were mad at me for. I just don't want anything left unsaid." Hermione nodded while pursing her lips.

"Okay."

"Okay? Okay, what?"

"You said we need to talk, so talk." Hermione was staring at her expectedly. Pansy sighed and rubbed her palms on her legs, tucking them under her chin and almost whispering her next words.

"I had a panic attack," she explained.

"Yes, I know." Pansy nodded and continued.

"I've been having them ever since the war, and I'd rather not get into it all right now but he was in my head."

"Who was?"

"Lord-um I mean, Voldemort. Voldemort was in my head." Hermione gasped quietly and placed a comforting hand on Pansy's knee. Pansy squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm not saying this for pity Hermione, I just need you to know what you're getting into; who I really am."

"I know who you are Pansy."

Pansy scrunched her nose, shaking her head and looking at Hermione in disbelief.

"Do you? Because I don't think you do. You know me as the girl that taunted you since we were eleven, the one that made your teeth grow to your chin, and the Deatheater. You've barely ever conversed with me so how do you know who I am?!" Pansy was yelling now, growing frustrated at the girl's ignorance.

"Don't you dare give me that shit Pansy, I know you. You rock me back to sleep every bloody night and now I can't sleep without you! You smile at me in class, you laugh at my jokes! I've never met anyone who's cared about me enough to make sure I haven't put up any silencing charms at night. That's who you are, that is the woman I've come to know!" Hermione is red in the face, hair sparking, screaming at Pansy. But her words only anger Pansy more, because how could she say that after what she'd done?

The whole wizarding world hated her, so why not Hermione?

"This is who I am!" Pansy ripped up her sleeve, letting the one thing she always hid show. Hermione averted her eyes, refusing to look at the writhing snake one Pansy's arm. "LOOK AT IT!" Hermione set her jaw and looked at the Dark Mark, tears spilling onto her cheeks.