Her Foxes

Chapter 7

I take in a raggedy breath and shove my cold hands into my dress pockets. It's getting colder by the day, and I bet that by July we'll be seeing snow it could get that cold, even though I know it's impossible. I smile.

Trudging up the path to the bench where Inessa is sitting – punctual as always – I'm rehearsing what to say. How to start, what details to add in. I drape my flaxen plait over my shoulder.

'Hey.' I smile as I sit down on the cold bench. After a few minutes Beckett joins us, and I know I have to somehow tell them everything. If they weren't my best friends, I'd have denied the whole thing from the start, but I've needed someone to vent to for ages. It gets hard and lonely when you want to explain to your friends why you have detention again, or why you act out only in maths for the third year running. Now I guess it's a weight lifted off my shoulders.

***

The sun is setting when Inessa and Beckett hug me and then go back to their homes. I feel as I'm ready to cry. Too many build up emotions. It felt nice to finally tell the people I tell everything this huge unavoidable dilemma.

My shadow is elongated as I wander towards the bridge that never gets used. Its wooden boards are weathered, but not from feet and bicycle wheels but from winds and rain. It's a place where I'm undisturbed. Where I can be at one with nature and in a peaceful trance. I can peer into the water and sometimes get an honest answer, depending on my question. Beckett dragged out beanbags when it was warmer and the three of us could be lounging on that bridge for weeks before anyone crossed it.

But now the sun casts no warmth, but an exaggerated amount of liquid gold into the water. The cold air brings no comfort, but when I close my eyes, I feel weightless and calm. I angle my face to catch a quick breeze, and all I can hear are the leaves, the water and wheels on wood.

It's just that man on a bike I saw a while back, I think, until I feel someone next to me. A change in the wind, a giddy shake in my calmness. I open my eyes and almost fall into the water from shock.

'Hi.' It's Nicholai. A bike is perched against him, a small smile on his face.

'Oh, hi Nicholai.' After a few seconds of awkward silence, I add, 'I didn't know you lived around here.'

'I don't' He chuckled. 'No, I ride here in hopes of seeing you.'

I snort and blush at the same time. 'Seriously? I – I mean that's nice but...'

'No, I don't really. Just a joke.' Nicholai glances out to the water uneasily.

'Oh, okay. I was worried there.' In truth, I'm disappointed. Slightly.

'So, what's up? You've been here for ages.'

Was he... was Nicholai stalking me or something? 'Oh, ahh, just stuff. My friends found out about something that I may have on purpose forgotten to tell them, and I had to spend something like an hour explaining the past fourteen months of my life to them. Kinda just feel a whole whirlwind of stuff now.'

It's weird. Even though I've known Nicholai – properly known him – for only a few weeks, I feel like I can trust him. Maybe it's his emerald eyes, or how kind and understanding they seem. Maybe it's his soft voice that feel like velvet when my eyes are closed.

We haven't really talked about this stuff, the deep stuff. Only things like assessments and grades and teachers. But this is nice. And I've also gotten used to the fluttering heartbeat. It's like the butterflies in my stomach have been replaced by a huge one that is my heart. But we're just friends. A few weeks can't change that.

'Okay. Hope it went well, that you're good.' Nicholai says softly.

I quietly snort again. 'Quite the opposite actually! Well, things went well, but I'm far from good... Maybe. It seemed like that a minute ago.' That sounded weird. I need to add something. 'The cool air helped me clear my head. It always does. I always feel much better when I'm here.'

'That's good to know.' Nicholai's smile sends my butterfly heart into a frenzy. After a second of thought, he speaks again, 'Say, do you want to go for a bike ride?'

My breathing catches for a moment. 'Wow, really? Sure!' That sounded too enthusiastic. What's wrong with me?

I sit on the bike and Nicholai gets on behind me, standing up on the pedals, and gripping me in his arms while his fingers grip the handlebars. I'm this close to a full-on joy – inflicted meltdown. He starts pedalling and I feel like all my bad emotions have just been pushed out of me. The wind pushes us along, and the trees blend into never ending green walls. I close my eyes and smile so wide my lips are hurting. We ride up the path, past the playground, and through another tunnel of green. I feel free. Somewhere in the process Nicholai turns around and we go back the way we came. This time, we're almost falling off the slopes, the wind is like a wall we keep pushing back, and I'm almost dizzy even though I haven't been spinning. The bike slows as Nicholai pedals towards the bridge. He gets off and then I do, and before I know it, he's giving me a quick hug and riding off into the evening.

As I go home along the now deserted path, fingers tucked into my dress, hair messed up and falling into my face, I can't help but smile. No matter how many times I've walked this path, today has been the best time. The butterfly hasn't settled, and I'm grinning like a maniac. An old lady passes, and her Terrier nips at my calf. She apologies and I smile and realise the dog is the cutest thing ever. Maybe even cuter than Oreo.

***

I'm doing French homework when I get a ping from my phone. I forgot to turn off the sound again, so I lunge for it, hoping that Mr Fox didn't hear. He banned me from texting inside my own house, too.

I freeze when I read it.

Hi, it's me, Nick.

Got your number from Beckett. Hope you don't mind.

That bike ride was amazing. Want to do it again someday after school? Say, Thursday maybe?

Anyway, see you tomorrow!

What just happened?