ataraxia, lorenzo berkshire

"twenty one"

"no fucking way!" pansy whispered, using their hand to conceal the shock foaming at their mouth as it gaped, stabilising themselves as they wobbled out of the bathtub which they'd made them self obviously comfortable in, as there was a sweatshirt folded into a pillow and empty alcohol bottles scattering the lip of the tub.

"that's the plan," theo sighed, letting out a chuckle of amusement as he still struggled to come to terms fully with what i was trying to achieve.

all of this just to bite back at lorenzo?

surely i shouldn't be trying this hard..

unless i want more than just a petty retaliation from his end.

"okay, now that i'm thinking about it, i'm scared." i admitted, my thumb pressed against my bottom lip is i gnawed at my nail, a habit which is completely overrun by anxiousness, or when i finally realise that i've made a questionable decision.

"we don't have to do it, you know." theo replied softly, as he turned to me and placed his hand on my upper arm sympathetically, a look of soft concern upon his features.

i smiled back at him weakly, clearing my throat shortly after.

"have you got any ideas, pans?" i asked them, crossing my arms in order to ply away the uncontrollable habit of biting my nails, which became rather painful, especially when you can't stop and when there's not much nail left to tear off.

"maybe you don't have to resort to sleeping with theodore," they shrugged simply, brushing themselves down as they adjusted their hair in the mirror above the bathroom sink, "trust me, as someone who has, that boy would rather you let him call you mommy than let you give him head."

there was an uncomfortable silence following pansy's rather casual execution of a statement, my eyes widened slightly, as i turned to theo who was stood there guiltily, his shoulders slumped and a knowing grin on his face, one that showed how he simply couldn't deny the accusation.

"and plus, i wouldn't try so hard when it comes to lorenzo, you're wasting your energy on something that i can guarantee won't leave an indent on his mental surface." they added honesty, their words harsh enough it could've given the same effect of ripping off a plaster.

and that shit hurts.

"oh my god." i mumbled, pinching the bridge of my nose as i struggled to compress my laughter due to the awkward state of situation, and now beginning to question the entire plan i'd concocted.

pansy smiled before speaking, "look, i'd love to plot revenge against lorenzo with you guys - but i have a date in five minutes, i'll talk to you both later okay?" they reassured, before giving theo a high-five on their way out, slipping through the bathroom door carefully and closing it subtly to make sure it wasn't obvious enough for anyone to curiously wander inside in search for us.

i began to walk over to the bathtub, picking up a bin liner from the storage bin beside it and piling in bottle after bottle, trying my best not to make a ruckus.

i was stressed.

i tidy when i'm stressed.

i need a distraction.

i let out a frustrated huff of annoyance, for now it felt like all my plans i'd carefully constructed had just crumbled to shit in mere seconds and me being in a state of questioning and rethinking.

i dropped the bin bag onto the floor, slumping my body on the edge of the bathtub and burying my head in my hands, for what pansy had said about me trying too hard for lorenzo berkshire now made me retake everything i'd felt so confident about before.