Meow's Shivi OS/TS Book

I am tired- part 1

Set post Sneha and Diary kaand but before the Yatra kaand. Shiva goes too far one day, and Raavi is tired. (Happy ending though.)
Also in this AU, Shivi's MU has been continuing as the stalemate it is. 

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Raavi had no idea what her Maasi was doing here so late in the night, but if her Maasi was only here to fight with Shiva, or ridicule Dhara di, or taunt Suman Kaki, or anything that didn't have atleast a sixty percent goodness dividend to it then she was going to blow a fuse is what she was. Raavi had begun to notice that she was starting to get tired these days, tired of trying to explain to Shiva that she truly wanted to move on with him, and tired of telling her Maasi that yes, she truly was happy with her marriage. The rest of them either seemed to just get it, or were too busy to care, so at least that was one burden off of her, or a dozen, she thought. It all depended on perspective.

So, as she stood there in her new, favorite, blue nightwear kurti in the middle of the aangan staring at her Maasi, Raavi both hoped and prayed that her Maasi would leave quickly. She wanted to sleep, she was tired.

"Ay kaagdi, itni raat ko tu kyun aai hain yahaan pe. Din bar sabka jeena haram karke sukoon nahi mili kya jo raat ki neend karaab karne aa gayi tu". Her night's sleep was a lost cause already. It was at this point that Raavi noticed that Shiva seemed to be unusually passive for a visit from Maami. Blank, jaise ki voh gadheda kuch chupa raha hai sabse. She kept staring at him, kept waiting for him to shout at Maami, to chase her out of his house, to question her audacity in coming here, something, anything.

She kept staring at him until Maami took her by the shoulders and gave her a good shake, "Ay Raavi, kya dekh rahi hain uss raakshas ko tu?!! Chal, saara saaman utha, tujhe iske saath iss anchaahi shaadi main aur rukne ki koi jaroorat nahi hain, samjhi ki nahin? "

Silence, complete silence... Raavi, at this point, you see, was confused, and tired, mostly tired. But because her Mausi ma had crossed Raavi's set goodness quotient, Raavi decided to keep her promise to herself. She blew her fuse.

"Maasi, ye kyun baar baar aap isi baat pe atak jaate hain mujhe to samaj mein hi nahi aata hain! Hazaar baar bol chuki hoon main aapko, ki main iss rishte ko todna nahi chahti hoon, ki main iss ghar mein khush hoon. Bohot khush!" Saying so Raavi had turned away to go to sleep because she was sure that her Maasi would start her rona dhona otherwise when her Maasi managed to stop her in her tracks.

"Pan Shiva, uska kya? Tu iss parivaar main rehke kush hain ye baat main bhi maanti hoon. Par apne pati ke saath? Are, tum donon bina jagde ek din nahi reh sakte! Puri jindagi kaise kaategi tu uske saath? Raavi, tu meri baat maan jao, hain. Tu isse chod dhega phir bhi ye parivaar tumhari hi rahegi, samaj padti ki nahin tuje? "

Raavi didn't even bother to turn around to answer her Maasi this time. "Kisne kahaan ki mujhe Shiva se koi bhi dikkat hai? Haan, roz ladte hai hum donon, haan, ek dusre ke mazaak udate hai, par ye sab to hum bachpan se karte aa rahen hain naa Maasi? Uska ye matlab to nahin banta ki Shiva jahan jaroorat pade mere saath nahin kada jaayega."

She was about to leave when once again her Maasi stopped her. "Pan pyaar ka kya Raavi. Pyaar chod, pasand to karni padegi na usse? Bachi nahin ho tu ab! Jab tumhare apne bache honge, tab bhi tu aise ladte rahega uss raakshas se. Bina pyaar tu nahi jee payegi, phool jaisi hai tu, aur tusse ye nahin hoga. "

Love. Did she love Shiva? Of course not. Could she love Shiva? She had no idea, love wasn't really predictable was it. But did she atleast like Shiva? Shiva was a good person, khara sona, and she had known this forever, believed in it too. But ever since her marriage, she had seen it, had felt how protective Shiva was, how good he was. Haan, mujhe to Shiva pasand hain, varna uski har baat mujhe aise thodi na chubti.

"Pyaar ka to mujhe nahin bata Maasi, par main zaroor Shiva ko pasand karti hoon. Aage se aise baatein mere saamne bilkul bhi mat kijiye, varna main aapki ghar pe kabhi nahi aaungi Maasi", and as she turned around she was once again stopped in her tracks. But this time it was nothing Maasi ma related, surprisingly so, this time, it was for the man whom she had just spoken against that very mother figure for, it was Shiva. He looked shocked, to an extent she couldn't comprehend, and he looked, guilty. Kya karke rakha hai tu Shiva, she thought as she furrowed her brows.

"Ay Raavi, aaj tune apne pati ke liye apni Maasi ma ko paraya kar di, par main hoon na teri Maasi ma, isiliye tumhari balaayi ke liye ek aakri baat bol ke jaa rahin hoon main. Tumhari ye pati, ye raakshas hai na? Ye khud aaya tha tere Mausa pa se milne, aur isne kahaan ki tum donon kush nahin hai, aur ki usse divorce chaahiye tha. Ek ache lawyer ki intezaam karne ko kahaan tha isne, isliye tujhe lene aayi main. "

For a moment she didn't understand anything, as if something had stopped working between her ears snd her brain. And then, no, no, no, no, no, it was the only thing running in her mind. Shiva couldn't have, right? But that horror stricken look on his face when she'd said she liked him, that she wasn't forcing herself into a mold she'd much rather not be in, it wouldn't leave her mind's eye.

And as her Maasi ma stormed out of the house she'd considered her own, as the family she had thought she was always a part of threw question after question at the man she had caught ahold of to keep that last thread of her sanity from snapping, Raavi felt the shaky ground beneath her disappear.

As she stumbled back and let someone catch her, with his horror stricken eyes still glued to her, Raavi felt that last thread break. And like a broken tape recorder she said, "mujhe neend aa rahi hain, main tak chuki hoon".