The Missing Piece

Chapter 21

Narae woke the next morning, groggy and stiff and with a feeling like shame spiralling in her gut.

She'd slept on the sofa the night before. Not quite as dramatic as it sounds, their sofas were large and plush and had blankets and pillows all around. Knowing that Jimin and Seokjin were planning on returning to Seokjin's own apartment, she'd decided to change her plans and go back to the shared dorm. She would have gone to her place, but she didn't even have a key on her these days.

After leaving the toilet she made a b-line for the exit, not wanting to speak to another soul that night. Certainly not another soulmate. She sent a quick text to her chat with Jimin and Seokjin to let them know she was staying elsewhere, but she doubted they'd even look until the next morning, when she knew they had to work anyway. She'd called a taxi, not wanting to even risk speaking to one of their usual friendly drivers, and under the cover of darkness, she let herself into the large apartment. She could tell by the messy array of shoes at the door that some or all of her other mates were already home and ensconced in their rooms. Maybe there was a part of her that hoped Taehyung and or Jungkook would come and find her and comfort her. But obviously they hadn't.

She'd slept in her dress, now crinkled and mussed. It had been beautiful. It deserved so much better.

She thought, by the time on her phone and by the stillness running through the flat, that she was alone. All of the boys had schedules that morning; they'd discussed them with her yesterday. No rest for idols, even on the new year.

She took herself to the bathroom on unsteady feet and looked into the mirror. She looked predictably dreadful. Her pristine appearance from the night before had been stripped back to a kind of zombified version of the same girl. She noticed, with a little jolt that there was a little dried blood around the outside of her lips and seeing it brought back the memory to her of her violent expulsions from the night before, which in turn led to the memory of Seokjin and Jimin in the lounge together.

Narae couldn't say right at this moment why the sight of it had upset her as much as it had. The words weren't overly offensive. It was the kind of thing they might have said to each other all the time, but always with the other in attendance. As Narae ran the shower, she wondered though, how many times had they been alone together like that, without her. It was evident in 1000 different ways each and every day how much stronger and settled their bond with each other was compared to the ones she shared with them. Maybe they were starting to get annoyed by her clinginess.

She felt distant from them too, like they were farther away than when they'd travelled to other countries. Like a settled bond was more out of reach than ever. What had felt stretch now felt snapped and Narae was left adrift from them.

Whatever was happening was not getting better. Narae couldn't keep on just playing house with them like this. She was so tired, so worked up and so downtrodden and clearly, if last night was anything to go by, it was making her sick. She'd have to see a doctor, maybe a soul doctor and figure it out from there.

But she couldn't see the company doctor. She didn't know how to contact him, and anyway, she didn't want anyone from HYBE or any of the boys to know there was a problem if she could fix it on her own. She'd have to speak to a truly anonymous doctor. Maybe what was wrong with her wasn't even anything to do with the bond. Maybe it was the other way around? After all, really sick people didn't bond at all. Possibly if she'd become really sick early on in the bonding then it would be preventing it from settling.

Narae felt more relieved at the idea that she might yet have a way to settle her bond than she did scared at there being something really wrong with her. Even as she thought all these things, she was already starting to notice the build-up of pressure in her lower chest and she was sure it meant another coughing fit before too long. Bringing up blood though, and weird blood at that. It couldn't be normal.