Cause for Concern ✓

twenty two

WEDNESDAY. 13. OCTOBER. 21.

MAX'S dad had adopted this new habit of hugging him and Max loved the idea in concept, but, in practice, it was still a little weird. There was something off about it.

Before his dad had decided that he wanted to get their relationship back on track, hugging hadn't been a form of affection that they'd frequently exercised. Besides last week and a few hours ago, Max was pretty sure the last time that his dad had really hugged him was when he was in middle school.

It was a little stiff at first, like an awkward dance that neither of them had ever practiced the choreography to, but Max preferred a weird hug to no hug at all. They were trying and that was better than nothing, even if it was a little foreign, even when he became disheartened at how little they seemed to understand each other's opinions and reactions now.

Over time, a sort of unnoticed difference, a misunderstanding, seemed to have grown between them and now it seemed they were both wondering how to close it.

By the time Max was lying on one of the cream sofas, night had fallen outside and Josh was sitting cross-legged on the floor, eyes fixated on the TV. He was resting with his head on the flat arm of the chair and his ankles were crossed over at the other end.

He glanced over at his dad, sitting on the other sofa, scrolling through his phone with a stern face and occasionally glimpsing at the TV screen to see what was happening. "Everything okay?" He asked, glancing at Max over his reading glasses.

He nodded. "Fine," he remarked.

Steel eyes darted away as briskly as they had darted towards him, locked back on his illuminating phone screen. "Okay," he murmured.

Yeah, it was still a little weird. There were going to be odd conversations and strange silences over the next couple of weeks until they eased back into each other's company, and he knew that he would never be able to prepare himself for them; he could only take them as they came. That was pretty much his attitude towards the whole thing.

After all, he felt it was fair to say that his dad always seemed to know what to say when it came to surface, superficial promises but as soon as he left the crystal clear waters and descended deeper into the murk and mud, he always got lost. He never knew how to navigate the deeper stuff.

As nice as it was to be here, as nice as it was to be forgiven and to be able to see his brother, as nice as it all was, he knew it was stupid to expect that this would all be smooth sailing. At any minute, his dad could pull back from him and things could go exactly the way they had before. Maybe it would be even worse.

It was a risk they were both taking, he figured, but he had enough trust left to go along with weekly dinners and quality time if that's what it took.

Part of him wondered if his dad ever felt guilty for what had happened to their relationship the same way that he did. That, unfortunately, led another part of him to wonder if his dad only invited him round to relieve his guilt, if he was spending time with Max to make himself feel better.

He tried not to think about it too hard. His head was becoming too crowded these days. It was claustrophobic.

"You ever speak to my mom?" He asked, his phone flat on his chest as the TV noise layered the sudden break of silence.