all too well

your sweet disposition, and my wide eyed gaze

Let me take this opportunity to thank everyone who gave this mess a chance, for leaving kudos (that's what it was called over there at a03, idk what it is called here, haha 😅). Here is another update, as you all inspired me to continue on with this delusion. 

***

Spring, 2005

Rob savors the alcohol in his tongue, and when he managed to finish the glass, a whoop of applause sounded around.

"Happy birthday, Rob!"

"Congratulations on finally stepping up into adulthood!"

"More wine for the fine gentleman here!"

Rob can only laugh and smile at his family and friends. He is very glad to share this pivotal moment in life with them.

After a few more talking and birthday wishes, Rob finally managed to get out of the hall, and into the cool air outside their home. The party continues on, as he thinks no one noticed him leaving. He took a deep breath, filling in his lungs with the cool air, the glass of wine loosely held in his left hand.

He is relieved, finally, he is now an adult by society standards, and by law, meaning he can fully dedicate and continue on with his studies at Radboud University. He already has a map planned in his head, and is steadfast in his desire to be involved in politics.

Also, he began thinking about his personal life, and as he was very happy with friends who did nothing but support him (and give him the occasional moment of doubting whether they are upstanding citizens of the Netherlands by doing questionable, but not illegal, mind you, things). It was all in good fun, and Rob always ends up laughing, and having fun, even if some of those moments results in both of his parents exasperated at him, but not pissed enough that they threaten Rob to be evicted from his home or something. Rob can say he had an amazing youth, and now, it's time to get serious.

In terms of the romance department, he can only laugh at himself. Lately, he can see that despite the numerous lovely ladies his friends send his way (especially tonight), the only thing he can offer are polite smiles, but as soon they are alone, he gently says he is just not interested. Lucky for him, none of them take his statement into offense, and leave him back to his merry way.

But, it's another thing if a guy introduced himself. Again, luckily or unlucky in his part, the men introduced to him or comes into his way on the past months, or tonight, are only interested on his course of studies at Radboud University, his current stance on politics (his parents were very vocal about his dreams of pursuing a career in politics, much to his embarrassment, but hey, it's their way of supporting him, Rob is thankful), or just wants another person to add to their already massive circle of friends (Rob wouldn't call himself a social person, his friend circle isn't that huge), so, it wasn't too much for Rob to start questioning his choices on people he either wants to get to know more, or take to bed.

Besides, his parents, his family, his friends, doesn't need to know, as much as he wants to explore his choices, he still finds himself thinking about a man, a curly haired man to be specific.

He finishes the wine in one gulp, and the thought instantly banishes from the forefront of his head. With one final breath, he enters his childhood home, and prepares a long excuse to his mother why he needs to leave from his own party for a while.

***

Despite his mother's protestations, Rob managed to get out, into the early night, and without a specific destination in mind, he pedaled around the quiet town. It seems like all the energy and life was concentrated in their home, but Rob doesn't mind the quiet. Actually, it's comforting. He knows that he wants his turning point into adulthood to be one big celebration, but he can also enjoy the peace and quiet after living the life of the party for a while.