all too well

you can feel it on the way home

I have no other excuse. Other than that, Philippine elections are one big clown circus.

At least it did give birth to a movement of change. The show is just starting. And job takes up now 90% of my time, and finding the will to write is as hard as finding my will to go on 🙂

Also let it be known, I'm still thinking about these two Dutch politicians from time to time. It's just a bit hard to write in the midst of accepting a tyrannical dynasty returning to the highest seat in our government.

***

Fall, 2008

The thing is, once you get a taste of it, it's hard to stop.

Rob likes to think that his relationship on sex with Jesse, is like his relationship with cigarettes. The only thing different about it is that there are no health consequences, maybe just the danger of his own heart killing him, and that they're doing nothing wrong. Having sex with Jesse is not wrong.

Well, maybe, it depends on who you ask.

Now that Rob knows how it feels, he cannot get enough. And he wants to know how it feels to see Jesse splashed on his sheets, face wrought in pleasure, repeating his name like a mantra. It could be his control freak speaking, but Rob also wants to know how it feels to bring Jesse to the edge.

Because of that, a little few hours before daybreak, when Jesse wakes up, and starts peppering his neck with kisses, Rob takes the opportunity, and pins him to his bed. The feeling of seeing Jesse stare at him with eyes filled with awe, and so much love, goes straight down to Rob, and makes him feel good, breathing in cigarette smoke cannot compare to this.

Voice rasp from sleep, Jesse looks and stares into his soul as he says, "I'm all yours, Rob."

Oh.

Rob bends down, traces Jesse's ear with his lips, and whispers, full of promise and intent. He never backs down when he's already fixated on something, and in that moment, his goal is to make Jesse feel good. "I'll make sure everything feels so good, you'll forget even your own name."

Jesse doesn't answer. Just smiles.

***

Winter, 2009

A steaming cup of coffee was carefully put beside Rob, as he continued staring at his scattered notes. He squints his eyes again. "You know, maybe I need to wear glasses."

"Why do you think that?" Jesse answers from the kitchen, scooping up the eggs he cooked, and piling them into the plate, bringing them down in front of Rob. He managed to find a vacant space in the table, despite the numerous papers strewn that are all university notes of Rob. Jesse shakes his head, and takes a sip of coffee from his own mug. "I think you look okay even without glasses."

"I am not the kind of person who wears glasses for fun or because it's the trend." Rob wrinkles his nose. "I think my eyesight is deteriorating."

"It's because of all those nights I told you to turn the light up when you're reading, and you didn't listen."

"Too late for the scolding, dad. My eyesight already needs help."

"Daddy sounds better."

Rob prevents at the last minute from spitting the coffee into his notes. "Unfair tactics."

Jesse smiles, then starts eating breakfast. "Eat up. You're definitely hopeless once you get stuck with work."

Rob pouts, but begins to eat, and looks again at Jesse. "Thanks to whoever is pulling the strings of my fate that I managed to lure you in this flat, and make me breakfast."