calories | sally face (rewrite)

1 | blue rain

hi this talks about mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and bulimia, and contains homophobic and transphobic slurs and themes. tread with caution.
i would like to note that i do not have an ED diagnosis. however, the reason i chose to rewrite this story in particular is because i have had struggles with food in the past and i feel that i can better communicate themes like this accurately. that being said, if i say something in this rewrite that is potentially harmful or inaccurate in regards to EDs, please tell me and i will make every effort to better educate myself and improve the way i write about this theme.

sorry for the long author's note :)

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Sal was being plagued by a looming sense of doom.

Things had been unusually calm. No demons or spirits, no homicides, nothing unusual. Everything, for once in the last couple of years, was quiet. It was a nice change of pace, to be able to really enjoy things without fear of death or danger. But there was this deeply-rooted survival instinct that was insisting that something awful was about to happen. He couldn't make it go away, and he couldn't quiet it for very long.

"Dude," Larry was looking at him from the opposite side of the room. "I can literally hear all the gears turning in that big brain of yours. Get it to shut up or I'll do it for you."

"Shut the fuck up, you're baked."

"Ah, that doesn't mean shit. I'm tall, I could fuck someone up."

"A harsh wind would blow you over, Johnson."

Larry went quiet for moment. "Yeah, yeah, okay, whatever. What's up with you?"

"Feel like something is looming."

Larry groaned. "Nothing is looming, tonto. Have you been taking your meds? You haven't been skipping your meds, have you?"

"Yes, I'm still taking my meds. It's just. Everything is too quiet recently."

"Sally, man," Larry looked sober now. Maybe it wore off. "This is good. This is the most quiet we've had in a while, the most you've had since you moved in, yeah?"

"... Yeah."

"Exactly! So, just let yourself sit in the quiet. Let it be quiet. Y'know, I think meditation would be good for you."

"Is that more of your inner-chakra, guru bullshit?"

"Oh, fuck yeah, man. Where's my amethyst? Let me heal your solar plexussss."

"What does the solar plexus even do?"

"Ah, fuck if I know."
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"Faggot."

Travis spit on him as he made his way out. He was bleeding under his prosthetic, making it sticky underneath. The plastic rubbed against the few wounds he had on his face, but his ribs.

He gets himself off the ground and gets his prosthetic off. Everyone's in class right now, so he doubts anyone else will be coming in. His shoulder pops when he reaches behind his head to undo the straps, and he winces as several other joints creak.

It's nothing bad. There's a few bruises and his nose is bleeding, but neither of his eyes were damaged. He'll figure something out.

He looks into the mirror and takes a step back.

Did I gain weight?

He looked bigger, all of a sudden. He's always been of pretty average build. Not too small, not too big. Suddenly he just seems wider, rounder than before.

He reaches back and tugs on the back of his shirt so that it hugs his body. And he is bigger. Why is he bigger? Why did he gain weight? Why did no one tell him he looked so much bigger?

Why does he care so much?

He takes a deep breath and tries to think of something his old therapist told him. "I'm stressed, I'm worried, and I'm looking for somewhere to put my anxiety. I am overreacting."

It did not help. But he'd figure it out, or he'd forget. He puts his face back on and leaves, because the bell's about to ring and he's not sure what better option there is.
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"Hey."

Sal looks up. He didn't bother getting lunch today. Between the beating and other developments, he had no desire to eat.

"You doing okay, little guy?" Larry was looking at him.

"Ah. Yeah. Thinking about stuff."

"You're not eating."

"Sal," Ashley said from the other end of the table. "Did Travis do something? I saw him follow you when you went to bathroom earlier."

"I'm fine. He didn't do anything, just threw a couple slurs around."

There was a shared nod and an unspoken agreement to talk about it another time.

Larry met him at the front doors later on.

"You wanna stop and get something on the way back?"

The nausea set in immediately. "Nah, I'm tired."

"All right." There was an uncomfortable silence for a while as they drove. "What'd he do?"

"What? What did who do?"

Larry peered at him. "Travis? He didn't do anything."

"You keep rubbing your side like it's sensitive. Don't think I didn't notice that."

"Fell."

"No, you didn't."

Quiet. Fucking torture. "I shouldn't have encouraged you to take that psych class."

"That has nothing to do with this, tonto. What did he do?"

"If I tell you, you'll start shit."

"Yeah, you're damn fuckin' right, I'll start shit! What the fuck makes him think he can pull that shit and get away with it?"

"Lar, I'm not in the mood for this. We are not having this conversation right now."

"We are."

"I will jump out of this goddamn car right now if you don't shut up."

It was quiet again.

"Sorry." Sal overreacted. He does that a lot lately.

"It's okay. I lost my cool a little, too. We won't talk about it if you don't want to."

"Thank you."

"'Course, Blue."

It started to rain, pattering against the windshield. It was the soft autumn rain that started suddenly and lasted hours at a time.

"What are you thinking about?"

"The rain."

Larry snorted. "Why are you thinking about the rain?" He turned on the windshield wipers and Sal winced when it squeaked slightly against the glass.

"Not the rain itself, just like. I don't know. The feeling it has, I guess."

"That sounds..."

"Dumb."

"No," he looked thoughtful for a moment. "I don't really get it, but that doesn't make it dumb." He looked over at Sally. "Would you wanna tell me about it?"

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this was ok. could've been better. tell me what you think :) it'll probably get better as i progress as i get into a rhythm and get used to the characters and their mannerisms and whatnot.

also: im gonna change like. everything. im gonna add new plot points and elements and it's gonna be much more slow-burn >:)