The M.I.L.F. Man

La Cenicienta

OMG, his eyes...

I mean, you hear about The Look. Or you hear about how disappointed some brides are when they don't get it after hearing about it in all those damned romcoms and whatnot.

But baby, I got it.

I'd actually seen it once before. The night he slid this little blue velvet box across the dinner table and said, "I promised you an upgrade..."

Diamond almost blinded me, when I opened that box. Belonged to one of his great-great grandmothers who'd married the "Comte de Whosiewhatsit" back when they still wore those crazy wigs and whatnot.

But when those neon blues locked on me as I was trembling down the aisle on his father's arm, it felt like I was doing that Spike Lee glide, right? You know how people suddenly just sliiiiiide toward each other in those joints of his? Yes.

He looked so damned fine in his badass "bespoke" tux. Course, my boo is beautiful to begin with. Women walk up to me in the friggin' bathroom even, and give me: "That guy you're with? I mean, is he a model or an actor or...?"

And that day he almost looked too good to be real. In fact, the whole wedding was like a dream. The only thing missing was my mother, Violeta—she passed about three years ago. But boy, she would've been bawling her eyes out watching me float down that aisle all girly'd up.

We used to gawk at the big old fluffy wedding dresses in bridal shops on her one day off when I was little. We'd do a "girls' day out" sort of thing. Barely had enough money for a couple of burgers off the dollar menu at Mickey Ds, but she would point at those dresses and say, "One day you will get to be 'La Cenicienta,' (Cinderella), too."

Totally drank the Kool Aid, mi Violeta. I swear, one day I'm going to rewrite that story and make it about finding someone who needs you just as much as you need him. Someone you can make real life magic with, once you finally find each other.

That's the story we were living, my man and I. Before we met, he was a rambling wreck looking for something real to live for. And I was exhausted and frustrated as hell out there trying to keep people fed and housed and one step ahead of La Migra.

But when I look at Chas, swear to God I feel like Popeye does when he eats his spinach. It's like I could take on the whole world--and win.

So, on the big day I slithered into that fluffy dress that morning and stood there grinning like my mother would have. That dress itself was a miracle. I was sure their fancy designers would be horrified when they saw me with one side of my head shaved and all those crazy colors in my hair.