Nova

the week after i found out i lost the baby i went to my therapist and told her what had happened, she recommended a group of other mothers who lost a baby. once i got home i laid back down just replaying everything in my life. no part of me wanted to live without nate and i knew there was no way i could ever be satisfied with my life without him. waking up became a chore and now that i dont even have our child as a reason to live... i hated myself for not being able to save nate and hated myself even more for not even being able to have his baby. i felt like such a failure. a couple weeks later i only felt worse and worse, i called my boss and told her that i wouldnt be coming into work again, and i stopped going to therapy. i just wanted to be with my love and our baby. life felt so unfair, and seeing that baby room in nate and i's apartment broke me. no part of me wanted to live like this anymore. i walked into the bathroom and looked at myself being reminded of how much i hated the person i saw. my red eyes and puffy face. you failed and now you have nothing. i thought about the night i first cut myself and just wanted to hear nate walk through the door, i wanted to be able to kiss him again and i wanted to hold him one last time, for him to kiss my belly and talk about baby names. i couldnt do it. i grabbed my razor and opened it i only planned to cut myself once but the more i thought and the more i looked at myself the more i hated being alive. i cut straight lines up both of my arms pressing as hard as i could. i felt dizzy and fell to the ground, feeling my clothes soak with the blood around me. all i could think about was seeing my baby and love again. Very, very soon.

                                                                                         The End.