Counting To Fifteen [Grey's Anatomy]

chapter thirty eight - books & hideaways

Daisy had chosen to stay boarded up in her room on Calypso's birthday.

It's not that Daisy wanted to ignore the girl. She had hugged Calypso the morning of and wished the newly-minted seven-year-old a happy birthday.

But Daisy and Calypso were very different in regards to attention.

Daisy hadn't wanted any sort of attention on her birthday back in October, merely accepting a last minute birthday cake with a couple candles slapped on. It was perfect, nobody there to look at Daisy and place all attention on her.

Calypso was a stark contrast. She wanted all the birthday attention. The glories of having a whole day to yourself, turning a year older, having a big cake. Calypso wanted a party, and she wanted all of her friends there with her.

Perhaps that was a big difference, too. Calypso was friends with the entire first grade. Maybe if Daisy had friends, she would've wanted a big birthday party too.

But the apartment was packed with far too many people, and Daisy knew if she took a single step into the hallway, she would have a nervous breakdown.

Too many people.

Daisy instead chose to stay in the safety of her bedroom, taking solace in the walls that muffled the talking and kept her safe. It was her own quiet solitude.

She flipped a page of the bulky hardcover in front of her. It wasn't a normal age-appropriate novel she'd find herself flipping through, but rather a book on the brain.

Daisy had met Caroline, and the biggest thing that stuck out to her was that the woman was a pediatric neurosurgeon. Maybe she knew what was wrong with Daisy, maybe she could dig around and fix her brain.

Though she wouldn't consent to doing unnecessary brain surgery on Daisy, Caroline did let the girl borrow some of her books, and Daisy liked her for that. Daisy liked that her problems weren't made a taboo of.

Dr. Sen had encouraged Daisy not to do so much research on her mental illness so as not to psych herself out. He probably wouldn't be happy to know that Daisy was currently chapters deep into a book titled Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: Theory, Research, and Treatment.

It was so important to Daisy to figure out why she acted the way she did. Why did her brain hold her hostage? Why did she have the strangest impulses? Why couldn't she ever just take a second to breathe and feel okay?

Obsessive Compulsive Disorders involve repetitive behaviors that can be bizarre, disruptive, and eventually disabling. They can destroy lives and relationships.

Daisy frowned, reading the paragraph over again. It didn't sound too promising.

What exactly did a "disabling" disorder entail? What did that mean? Would Daisy's brain eventually just corner her, turning her into a nutcase as she was forced to repeat her behaviors over and over and over for years and years and years?

Daisy didn't like the thought. As a kid, there wasn't much Daisy was forced to oversee. Though she worried about a lot of things, she could pretty well just do her patterns while she let the adults handle the stressful things.

But Daisy couldn't possibly handle having to deal with these patterns all throughout adulthood. Adults have to do the heavy lifting. How would adult Daisy ever handle anything? How would she ever be able to do simple tasks like driving a car or cooking dinner without going into a nervous frenzy?

And what about working? Would Daisy ever really be able to get a real job? How would she explain to her employer that she couldn't carry out tasks because things needed to be rearranged, or she had to stop to flick the light switches a couple times?