Random Review Saga

(Spoiler Free) Spider-man: No Way Home review

Choo choo, the hype train has arrived at the station. Here before having watched the film, I am very excited to see it. I've seen the trailers, and heard about some of the leaks, but I'm still sure there will be surprises to be sure [but welcome ones]. But I guess we'll see. Onto me from the future, after his cinema outing.



In conclusion, wow. As this is spoiler-free, I will try to describe my feelings through the movie experience.

This is pretty good, I'm enjoying my time here. Oooo, I'm liking it so far. Ok, yeah, cool- OH MY GOSH YESS. Oh cummy wummy fucky wucky I came i cummed I camed. This is amazing oh wow, cool cool wow. Ah oh omnnarghlgl. Oh shit my excitement is at an all time high. Ahhh I cum too hard, my balls are inside out. Ok this is cool, nice, nice, oh wow again. Wowwey. This is great. I can't believe it this is too good. This is actually unbelievable, how is this real. Cool, wow, oh no, oh cool wow again, yes fanastic. This is terrific. Oh dear, oh. Oh wow again again again my peeny happy this is shat-tastic in a good way. Oh this is so good, how did they make it so good. Oh fuck I love this. Wow this cool, I can't wait. Oh wow I am awe-struck, I am dazed with amazed. Wowowowowowowowow. owowowowowo. wow owo. I have exploded, this was too much. Help im drowning in my excitement metaphorical juices. This is a better invention than masterbation. Wait, they made hentai 2, and named it Spider-man: No Way Home? Damn, if only Hilter had lived to see this, he probably wouldn't have killed himself then. Oh shitt, I left something at the cinema. What was it? Oh yeah it was my virginity, Spider-man took it when he starred in the film. If I had to choose between this art and the end of world hunger, I would choose the man, spider. I would trade my 5 limbs for this film to be screened on my eyelids. Awww the ending, I guess the film has finished.

To introduction, I rate this film 9 out of nine pears, as nine is the number of letters in the titular hero's name (coincidentally it is also my favourite number, wow everything is linked)

🍐🍐🍐🍐🍐🍐🍐🍐🍐/🍐🍐🍐🍐🍐🍐🍐🍐🍐



But yeah, it was a pretty good film [warning: understatement]. I would say don't get your hopes high, but I went in with astronomical anticipation, and it was well met. Just have reasonable hopes, the least that could happen is that your hopes are met. Don't go in expecting disappointment might be a suitable way to put it. I do worry that I am hyping it too much, but then again, I am hyped, and everyone will feel different about things. You do you. For me, this film has been so exceptional that it has left me with this opinion, which could be quite controversial: tbh, this might be my favourite MCU film, and I'm not even kidding. An analogy I thought of, which to me matches my feelings well, is this:

It was like when you have a dream, where you have a great time or receive something wonderful, but then you wake up and realise it wasn't real. The only difference with this is that it actually was real. Unless it wasn't. I'm even doubting if it actually did happen. It would be a pretty long dream though, as since the first trailer I've been in a constant state of spider-man-dedicated cream.