How Are You

This Was A Poem For English Class

Why can't you love me the way
The stars love the night sky,
Hug me the way tree roots
Tangle and intertwine,
With the warmth that the sun
showers summer days with.

Why can't you give me the words
I've been longing to hear?
The ones that will echo on and on
Inside my head for as long as they possibly can,
Because I've been waiting far too long
For you to tell me
That you love me without it sounding like
A goodbye, or as if it were forced.

Why can't you use your head, just once?
Why do you have to come home and not look at me,
But instead spend hours yelling at me,
Your words a blur,
They're washed away by the tears on the bathroom floor
I believe the bathroom door has an imprint
The shape of my back
From my leaning against it,
Attempting to not let you in.

I remember the night my sister lay in bed
While you yelled and I'd slept against
Our bedroom door so you wouldn't get in
From then on I haven't left my room
Until I know you're not home,
Because I know that you don't change.

So yes, you may claim to love me
And there is a part of me that doesn't want to admit I do too
But you love me the way
Fire loves a burning building,
I love you the way
That the burning building loves the fire
And they are not the same thing.

Though I hate admitting to defeat,
I hope the nights that your
screams of my uselessness echo through my mind
The sounds of my sobs
And ever so gentle tears hitting the bathroom tile
Echo through yours.
I hope you're ashamed, that you apologize
So that I can tell you
That you are not forgiven.

Love only goes so far,
And just because I love you, it does not mean
That I do not also pity you for your losses
That made you into the monster
You present yourself as to me
It also does not mean that I will ever
Forgive you though.