No One Really Understands

Uncertainty.

Karkat was going to do it. He was going to do it, and he was going to do it soon. He had to.

After he was attacked at lunch, Karkat hid in the bathroom and after crying (from his eyes, among other places) for nearly half an hour, he formulated a plan. He didn't know which of the four options he had was the fastest and easiest, and after a period and a half, he still didn't have a detailed plan. At the very least, however, he did have a date. Wednesday of next week. Actually having a set time gave a sense of stability.

When he Karkat got back to class, the period was already half over and it was the last one of the day. Once the bell rang, Karkat slithered through the sea of students to his locker to get his stuff. Despite how careful he was not to get in anyone's way, he ran into someone going in the opposite direction. His nose hit their chest, as they were several inches taller than him. Karkat let out a soft involuntary sound of alarm and glanced up to find that it was Dave. Relief washed over him that it wasn't a stranger. But before he could say hi Dave was already walking away, having mumbled only a soft "sorry". Karkat watched him leave, feeling a little confused. Why hadn't he noticed Karkat?

Karkat found himself walking towards the door that Dave had exited through. He pushed it open and immediately spotted the blond boy near one of the trees in the courtyard. John was there too, leaning against the tree. While Karkat was watching, John stepped towards Dave and reached up to kiss him.

It felt like someone had punched Karkat in the chest. The wave of jealousy and sorrow that hit him both jarred his bones and took his breath away. He stumbled back to his locker and pressed his forehead to the cool metal, struggling to draw a proper breath. why was he getting so worked up over a little kiss? He knew they were dating. They had without a doubt shared kisses--and more--all the time. But even so, it still felt like someone had ripped his heart out of his chest and stomped on it.

Karkat sniffed and blinked away tears. He numbly shoved his things into his backpack and went outside. John and Dave were already gone. Karkat went to his usual bench and sat down heavily to wait for Kankri to finish whatever stupid club meeting he was attending this time. As the minutes ticked by, the wave of students exiting the school slowed to a trickle until no one else came out and Karkat was alone in the courtyard. He looked around and thought for a moment before standing. It wasn't like Kankri needed him to wait. Karkat turned and started walking towards the sidewalk.

One more thing that no one needs you for, Karkat thought bitterly. As he walked, the silence broken only by the sound of his feet shuffling along the ground, his mind drifted to Dave and he absentmindedly wished the boy were walking with him.

Karkat stopped. He looked down at his feet. Dave doesn't like you. At all. He only hangs out with you because you're so sad and pathetic that he pities you.

Karkat sighed softly and slid his hands into his pockets. He looked up, and was alarmed to find that he'd stopped in front of Dave's house. He stared up at the looming structure, slightly in awe. Before he knew what he was doing, his feet were walking up to the front door and his hand was ringing the doorbell. He drew his hand away from the door in alarm. What was he doing? Just as he started to scold himself, the door opened.

"Yes?"

Karkat was slightly taken aback by the person standing before him. He looked almost exactly like Dave, but older, like he was 18 or 19. His eyes were a bright orange-amber color, like leaves in fall.

This must be Dirk...

"Who's--" Dirk squinted at the spot above Karkat's head before he looked down and noticed the short boy. "Oh. Hey. Sorry. I didn't see you there."