No One Really Understands

Afraid.

The "goodbye" had only just started to fade from my lips, and I already missed him. I missed his warmth, the feeling of his small form pressed against me. I wrapped my arms around myself and sighed softly. I could still smell him on my clothes. It made me grin.

I walked out of my room and Dirk turned around. He smugly raised an eyebrow at me.

I paled slightly. "What?"

"Nothing, nothing..." Dirk couldn't keep himself from grinning. "Just, if you're gonna make out with the door open, at least try to be quieter about it."

I blushed. "W-- why were you even listening in the first place?"

"Because, it's my duty as your brother to make sure you guys don't do anything inappropriate."

"And standing outside my door listening to us make out is how you're gonna do that?" I said flatly. I rolled my eyes. "Sure." I started to walk into the living room, but stopped when I saw the backpack leaning against the couch. "Hey... isn't this Karkat's backpack?"

Dirk walked up. "Looks like. You gonna call him or...?"

"Nah, I can still probably catch up to him." I slung his backpack over one shoulder. "Shouldn't have gotten very far yet."

Dirk nodded and I opened the front door. I'd only just closed it when I heard someone shout, "Do it!"

I looked up and froze. John was standing over Karkat, glaring down at him. Karkat was staring at him, his eyes wide with fear.

"Go kill yourself right now," John was saying, "or I'll do it for you. Go."

I was too stunned and confused to move. Why was he...?

"Go!" John shouted again. Karkat flinched and scrambled to his feet, sprinting down the sidewalk towards his house. I saw John's eyes follow him and a bitter smirk played across his lips.

Anger burned up my throat. "John!" I yelled, stomping down the steps towards him.

He turned around, and I knew immediately that something was wrong. He was swaying and his eyes had a glazed sort of look that I'd only seen once before: at a party at Gamzee's house, after he'd had three beers. He was drunk.

John smiled, a look of relief washing over him. "Dave." He took a stumbling step towards me. "Hi. Just the kid I was looking for." He giggled softly. He only laughed like that when he was drunk.

I could barely contain my anger. "What the fuck was that?!"

"Oh. That." John waved his hand in the air. "Don't worry about that. I took care of everything. Everything's fine now."

"Did you tell him to kill himself?"

John scoffed and rolled his eyes. "That's hardly--"

"John." I took a step towards him, anger burning numbly in my chest. "Did you, or did you not tell Karkat to kill himself."

John sighed. "Yes. I did. But, it doesn't matter, ok? Once he's out of the way, everything will be fine. We can be together again." John reached out and latched onto my arm, looking up at me and grinning dopily.

Rage burned down my spine. The stench of beer on him was overpowering and only made me hate him more. I roughly pushed him off of me.

"Get off of me," I growled.

John stumbled away, barely able to keep himself upright. He stared at me in bewilderment. "What are you doing? We can be together now. Karkat's gone now. You can love m--"

"I don't love you!"

John stopped mid sentence. He stared at me with wide eyes and he closed his mouth slowly.