No One Really Understands

Alone.

Karkat didn't know what to do. He was still staring at the door, shocked and confused at how suddenly Dave had left and how cold he had become when he did. He hadn't even said goodbye.

Isn't the first time he's left without you saying goodbye.

Karkat swallowed hard, the feeling of tears rising in his throat. He pressed his face into his palms and groaned softly.

"You alright?"

Karkat looked up to find the first nurse had come back.

"Y-yeah, I'm just... tired," he mumbled awkwardly.

"You know you don't have to lie to any of us, right?"

"I'm not."

The nurse shook her head. "That kid with the blonde hair and red eyes. Who is he? He came by earlier in the week when you were still under and his... brother? He had to practically pull him off you."

"He's my... um... b-boyfriend." Karkat's cheeks grew warm. It still felt weird, being able to call Dave that.

The nurse smiled, looking towards the door. "He's cute." To Karkat, she said, "I mean, I know it's really not my place to say, but you hold onto him. Seems like a good kid."

Karkat thought of Dave, and just how... nice he was. How patient. How dedicated, despite all of this.

"Yeah..." Karkat murmured to himself. "He really is..."

But you don't deserve him. He's too good for you. Much too good. He doesn't need some suicidal freak like you. He's most definitely gonna break up with you if he wasn't planning to before. I bet he'll even go back to John. Even an abusive asshole like him is a million times better than you.

Karkat sighed and pressed the heel on his palm against his eye. It was bound to happen now. There was no way Dave would stay with him now.

This whole "suicide watch" thing was starting to make sense now.

* * *

Time passed. The nurses still came, but less frequently, about every hour or so. This was good, for the most part, because it made Karkat feel a little better about his situation, but at the same time it left him alone for a whole lot longer. The darkness and the silence quickly became too suffocating if he stayed in the same place for too long, so he started walking. At 2 am, a couple of minutes after a nurse left, Karkat slid off the bed and stood for the first time in over a week.

His knees buckled, threatening to collapse under his weight. His hand shot out to grip the edge of the bed and he stifled a groan. He looked down at his body, so slight and pale that the skin seemed to glow in the near pitch black. He took a small trembling step forward, grimacing at how painfully stiff his legs were. He only got a couple feet before he remembered his IV. He reached out and pulled the rack flush against his body. He clung to it, leaning heavily on it as he staggered to the corner of the room and sank to the floor, somewhat breathless. He scooted back until his back touched the wall and hugged his knees to his chest.

The walking had felt good. It had somewhat loosened the tight loneliness that was squeezing his chest like a vice and it made him feel just a little bit less helpless. And the corner he was it wasn't half bad either. The floor felt refreshingly cool against his feverish skin.

Karkat closed his eyes and exhaled softly. He could still see the way Dave's eyes went dead when he said what he did. The light had gone from them and they'd glazed over, making his brilliant ruby eyes seem muddied and dull.

Maybe he'd been too harsh. It wasn't that Dave didn't get it at all, just... not enough. Not really. Not the way Karkat did. He couldn't understand what it felt like to be attacked your entire life for something as simple as the color of your blood.