secrets or lies: a johannie story

eighteen

my dad dropped lauren and i off at annie's house for the trip to big bear.
i wasn't gonna go because i can't be around annie for two week and have her ignore me the entire time.
she said she'd be civil, but it's hard to just be civil when the girl you have feelings for is mad at you.
i want her to know that i'm still trying to save this and i don't want to disappoint lauren.

we saw everyone packing stuff into the van, but hayden wasn't here.
i assumed if annie still had me coming he would be too.
we haven't spoken to one another since the game.
i thought it'd be a good idea to give her some space, even though we did have a decent conversation there.

she has a camera with a tripod and she walked in a circle to film everything around.
then the camera pointed at us and she put it down.
a: hey guys!
she says smiling.
a: so we're loading up luggage, there are some snacks on the counter so make sure you both grab a few and some water it's a long drive, but we'll be stopping to get a bite to eat on the way up.

l: sounds good! thanks for inviting me.
a: no problem! we're all super glad you're here.
lauren smiles at her and wheels her suitcase to get loaded in the car.
annie stood there staring at me.
j: hey.
a: hey

j: i don't want this to be awkward.
i blurted out.
a: just avoid me at all cost then it won't be.
j: i don't what it to be like that either.
a: it was a joke lighten up, we're cool let's just move on.
j: it's kind of hard to lighten up, and i can move on depending the direction. i'm not moving on if you're implying this is over.
a: i don't know.
she says shrugging her shoulders.

j: jules i just want us to be together, i'm sorry for everything.
a: i don't know what you want me to say to that, it's still too soon.
j: but-
a: johnny, you need to stop rushing my forgiveness. it has to come naturally.
she says cutting me off.
j: yeah i know, does everyone know?
i ask.
a: i didn't tell anyone.

j: jayde and katie know.
i say as a rebuttal.
a: katie isn't someone to worry about, and i never told jayde.
j: you had her stall me.
i say confused.
a: yeah, but i didn't tell her the real reason. i knew she wouldn't be able to keep her mouth shut.
j: what'd you tell her?
a: y'know something.
she says as she starts to laugh and turn red.
j: what?
i ask curiously.
a: don't worry about it.
j: okay then.

j: why didn't you tell them?
i say genuinely curious referring to everyone else.
a: what happened was between you and i, it's our business, plus you're going through enough i don't want or need to add more stress to you. how is everything going by the way?
i broke her heart and she's worried about my feelings.
j: it's been hard, we all knew it was coming, but we didn't expect it to go down how it did.
a: it must've been hard to watch i'm sorry.
j: it was, but don't be sorry. lauren was really excited to come on this trip because she didn't want to be home.
a: i completely understand, i'm glad you guys decided to still come. the situation is gonna be hard for awhile, try not to stress about it. everything will work itself out. being away might take your mind off of it.
j: the only thing that's causing me stress is what's happening between you and i.

a: you don't have to keep saying it.
j: i'm sorry, i just don't want to walk away from this.
a: i don't want you to either but- .
j: then give me another shot.
a: you're doing it again.
she says sympathetic.
j: i'm sorry.
i say sighing.

a: you can't expect me to just forgive you, being a pawn in some game, for someone you actually fell for. it throws you for a loop. 
j: i'll do anything you want me to. i love you annie, i'm in love with you and i never knew what that felt like until i met you. you're the one who taught me how to love.
she looks up at me because she's knows the moment i'm referring too.