Sing!

Mattress

Monday, we were waiting for Mr. Shue to show up. We were also missing Kurt and Rachel. Kurt walked in holding what appeared to be yearbooks. "Where's Rachel?" He asked.

"She's not here yet," Finn answers.

"Perfect. Glee Club stands on a delicate precipice. We have all felt the cold humiliation of a slushy in the face."

"Actually, I haven't," I cut in.

"That's because you're Coach Sue's niece. It's like being a diplomat's daughter," Kurt says. "Anyway, as I was saying, as of right now our relative anonymity as a club shields us from more severe persecution: swirlies, patriotic wedgies."

"What's a patriotic wedgie?" Mercedes asks.

"It's when they host you up the flag pole by your undies," Finn explains.

"Is this how y'all are in Ohio? Because I'm starting to think maybe I want to move back to New York," Nathan comments.

"Strangely, it did make me feel more patriotic," Artie admits.

"Based on my investigation, I am of the opinion that a yearbook photo would only fuel the flames of anti-glee club terror. I've done a little library research. Peter Gellar, Glee Club second tenor, 1998. He can be seen here with both a drawn-on Hitler mustache and a rice paddy hat. Shortly after the yearbook came out, Mr. Gellar had a nervous breakdown. He is now the homeless man who sleeps in front of the public library," Kurt informs us.

"Patches?" Quinn exclaims.

"Patches," Kurt confirms.

"He barks at my mom," Brittany mentions.

"Exhibit B: Tawney Peterson, Glee Club class of 2000, seen here in her photo with a cartoon knife stuck in her head, in a macabre tableau that, in four years would prove eerily prescient. I think I speak for all of us when I say that not having a yearbook photo might be a blessing in disguise. I suggest not fighting Figgins' ruling," Kurt continues.

Just then, Mr. Shue walks in. "Oh, hey, guys. Ah, looking at old Thunderclaps?" He asks.

"It's really unsettling," Artie answers while we walk to our seats. I find one in the back row, in between Mike and Matt.

"And totally unfair," Mr. Shue comments. "Hey, can I borrow one of these? You know what? This year's Thunderclap is going to have a Glee Club photo with one of your smiling faces. You have my word on it."

We all share a look that Mr. Shue doesn't seem to see.

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"So how's living at Finn's going?" I asked Quinn on Tuesday while we were waiting for Mr. Shue.

Quinn groaned. "Carole's great but their couch is killing me. Finn offered to let me sleep in his bed but he's so tall there's no way he'd be able to fit on the couch."

I patted her on the shoulder. "Well, you know my house is always open."

"I know," Quinn says just as Mr. Shue walks in looking very happy. "Hey guys! Great news! Glee Club gets a photo in the Thunderclap. It's going to show everyone at the school that the Glee club is on its way up. When we win at Regionals, those claps are going to be collector's items, I mean all your classmates are going to be begging for your autographs. But, I had to compromise to do it. We only get a quarter page in the back. Which means we have to pick two team captains to appear in the photo. So tomorrow we're going to put it to a vote. Exciting, huh? All right!" Mr. Shue told us. None of us were pleased.

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On Wednesday, we voted for a captain.