Sing!

Theatrically

Tina seemed to be having an identity crisis. Instead of her usual goth look, she was wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt.

"It's so weird," Artie commented.

"This so isn't you," Finn added.

"I feel like an Asian Branch Davidian," Tina mentions.

"Tina, are there any other looks you can try?" Mr. Shue asked.

"Bike Chick?" Santana suggested, earning a thumbs down from Tina.

"Cowgirl."

"Hood rat."

"Computer programmer."

"Cross-country skier."

"Catholic schoolgirl."

"Happy meal, no onion. Or a chicken."

"Look, I appreciate it, guys, but it just isn't me. I know who I am, and I'm not allowed to show it. It's like communism," Tina told us.

Rachel walked into the room then. "Guys, we have a serious problem. You know how I've been doing some deep background on Vocal Adrenaline?"

"Isn't that against the rules?" Artie asked.

"No, not at all. Or probably. Whatever, anyway, what I figured out; I rooted through the dumpsters behind the Carmel auditorium and I found 18 empty boxes of Christmas lights," Rachel informs us.

"Oh, no," Tina mumbles.

"Which led me to Jolie Fabrics. I asked them about red Chantilly lace. They were sold out," Rachel questioned.

"Oh, Sweet Jesus," Mercedes exclaimed.

"Oh my," Kurt says.

"Wait what?" Mr. Shue asks.

"They're doing Gaga," Kurt tells him.

"That's it. It's over," Mercedes comments.

"Exactly," Rachel agrees.

"We should have guessed it. They're going for full-out theatrically. They know it's the easiest way to beat us," Kurt mentioned.

"What's up with this Gaga dude? He just, like, dresses weird, right? Like Bowie?" Puck asked.

"Lady Gaga is a woman. She's only the biggest pop act to come along in decades. She's boundary-pushing, the most theatrical performer of our generation. And she changes her look faster than Britt changes sexual partners," Kurt tells him.

"That's true," Britt commented.

"Hold on for a second. We might be able to kill two birds with one stone. We can help Tina find a new look and find a competitive number for Regionals. This week, your assignment, Gaga," Mr. Shue informs us.

==============================================================================

Tuesday, we were in the choir room, ready to perform. Only us girls and Kurt were in our Gaga costumes. I was wearing a black and white striped dress with huge shoulders, fishnet leggings, sunglasses, and black boots and gloves.

"Little monsters, take a bow," Mr. Shue tells us and we all pose. "All right! Ladies, Kurt, I am really, really impressed. You know what the best part is? Each one of those costumes shows off a different aspect of your personality."

"Wait, where's Rachel?" Puck asked. "I only noticed because like five minutes have gone by without her saying something obnoxious."

"Rachel kinda got some intense news yesterday," Mercedes told him.