your blood through my veins - vinnie hacker

three

isabelles pov :

it felt weird. i haven't talked to him in 3 weeks, i didn't care about what he had to say. i knew what i saw, i knew what i felt.

call me drastic but he broke me, it was over. i looked at myself in the mirror, i hated the way i looked right now. an embarrassing fact about me is my whole life i've suffered from anxiety anorexia. something vinnie knows about. involuntary, when im anxious, sad, stressed, its hard to remember to eat or how to keep food down. i didn't look healthy, but im glad im not looking too boney. i just look tired. i did this too much, examine myself in the mirror, thank god i got a call to snap myself out of my thoughts.

"hey gorgeous how are you?" the sweetest voice.

"hey kouvr, im okay, you?" i asked. i was really sad to move out. 

"im good peach, you have your last boxes here. he's not here right now so i don't think it'd be a bad idea to get them."

"great. ill be there in 15!" i said hanging up the phone. i grabbed my car keys and headed downstairs. i liked going on drives—it helped get my mind off things, just focus on music. of course, i jinx myself. immediately i skip the song. i swear i need to delete all those songs we'd sing together.

you should've seen by the look in my eyes, there was something missing.

this was our song. it was us. it held everything there was to us. we were incredible until we weren't, and i hate to think of life that way. but here i am, collecting boxes of where i scattered my heart. where i fell in love with a person i haven't forgotten about and im scared that one day i wont be able to tell my kids how amazing their dad is. having a future with someone you're not in love with isn't love or sacrifice, it's giving up on the beauty there could be in life. you can't let yourself freeze so hard.

"hey isabelle." and i contradict myself. i froze. i hadn't seen those eyes, i hadn't felt his masculine smell or heard his voice.

"hi." i did a kind smile. i didn't want to be hated or remembered bad. i believe that the hardest people to forget are the best and the worst, and fuck i dont wanna be the worst.

"how've you been?" he asked. "you need help with that?"

"its okay no worries." i said grabbing the box, which was my last. "good good, you?"

"whats up with you?" he knew. he knows me too fucking well, he knows when im anxious even if i could play it off with a kanye-west ego, he knows.

"nothing? grabbing my stuff?"

"can we talk?" he asked. it took so much out of him to speak those words and i knew it. he was shy when i met him, he opened himself up to show his goofy and vulnerable side and i didn't seem to value it as i should've.

"maybe later vinnie, i really-"

"fuck it." he rolled his eyes and started walking away.

"vinnie."

"no, you know what? i get it your confused you have no answer to what the fuck happened to us. ok? but you don't even give me a chance to explain, you don't give me a chance-"

"im not giving you a chance to lie to me and you're mad?"

"what the fuck is wrong with you? see, isabelle, i cant even come and talk to you until you're blocking me out. you made your mind up to whatever you wanted it to be." he scoffed.

why did i want to cry? im not a sensitive person, i get angry easily but cry baby never.

"you think i wanted this? yeah vinnie i really wanted you to go fuck another girl, i wanted to be heartbroken, i wanted to hate you." i don't know why i say things i dont mean.

i shattered him there. he didn't break down, but i knew i broke him. "you hate me?"

"no...i don't." i said, i has tears in my eyes i wanted to yell. why do i feel this emotional?

"isa. talk to me like im me, im not here to hurt you. i love you, i fucking love you. i deserve an explanation, i deserve a chance, you deserve to not be in bed thinking about every possible outcome, and i can give you the opportunity to clear things. im not saying come and forget everything, but listen. im not going to hurt you."

i stared at the floor. i was dizzy, i seriously needed rest, or a therapist. or food. no, food sounds disgusting right now.

"you already did." i breathed out.

he started talking, not that i didn't want to listen but i couldn't. i felt sick, i felt like i was on a shifty cruise. i wanted to cry too, i wanted to drop to the floor. but right now i needed to run to the bathroom.

"isa, really? im literally talking to you?" he said following me as i tried to casually walk to the bathroom. i didn't want to run, i was hoping i could control this. but no. gladly, i covered my mouth and didnt throw up on the floor. is it embarrassing to throw up on your hand? yea, but on the floor is someone elses problem as well.

i opened the bathroom door and hardly made it to the sink.

"holy shit!"

the first words my mind actually processed. suddenly i couldn't hold it back anymore and for the first time in a long time, i cried.