Blue Blood and Belgium Chocolate

|33| How to Say Goodbye

PRINCESS FABIANNE

Definitely not running away from her problems

I PROMISE TO be good while I'm home in Belgium, but that doesn't mean I need to be good in the darkest corners of night. 

Good for me, is to be the perfect future Queen. It's to smile at the right times, to show my disapproval with a tightening of brows and to never, ever outright disagree. If someone says, the soup is cold, I would have to smile and continue to drink it. Even if it isn't. Even if there's lies to serve their feeble egos, a good Queen choses the battles that she can win. The battles that actually matter, not the temperature of the soup. 

A Queen should never be careless, she'll be running a country one day, responsible for the lives of millions. 

So, this bout of carelessness, of my overconfidence has me feeling weak. I know what the right thing to do is. Apologise. But everytime I see her, the haughtiness, the overbearing confidence and I shrink. 

How do I be a queen with Lady Arianna when I feel like a toad?

It doesn't help that I'm left with more questions than answers. The thing is, Lady Arianna hasn't told anyone about it. Not even Jasper or Laurie.

I'm very confident of this because Jasper would have reached out to me to learn why. 

And without meaning to - my farewell party begins and I still haven't apologised to her. 

How unfortunate. 

I'm avoid sitting at our table, moving around trying not to focus too much on her. It's surprisingly easy to avoid her. She's still stiff at parties, not quite making an effort to greet all our allies. 

Maybe it's because that I was watching her, I see her slip out to the balcony. 

She can't make a scene with me.

Not that she has so far. 

So only thinking about being a good Queen, I decide to head out to the balcony. 

The minute I exit the warmth of the party, I feel the first chill of fall. The wind blows on both of us. I see her clearly, leaning, albeit unladylike on the railing. Her dark curls blowing in the wind, with her eyes looking straight ahead at the soft speckles of stars that line the night. In the night, her tanned skin looks almost moonlike

"I know you're watching me," She says, not bothering to be polite. 

I flush. "I'm not watching you, I'm just observing you."

"Because I'm not lady-like enough?"

"Are you saying you are?" I counter.

I walk beside her, close enough to see a smile on her face. "I like you without your airs," she says, "you feel less of a porcelain doll."

"I assure you, I am definitely not." I don't lean on the railings. I stand beside her, looking at the vast palace gardens. A few of our guest have gone out. Security tonight isn't as tight. The waning threat of the intruder slowly fading away. A fluke perhaps, though I still get a chill when I think of it.

"I believe that," Lady Arianna says. 

I notice she's letting me take the lead, waiting for me to reveal why I'm here, standing on the balcony with her. It's clear she's out looking for some space to breathe, to readjust. I'm proud to note that I'm not the same. This is home base for me. As familiar as picking a dress to wear. 

"I just want to apologise," I began, "for speaking ill about you."

"It wasn't your finest moment," she replies in French. "Don't do that again, at least not in front of me."