Time B0mb

Chapter 2

PART ONE

"You and I, we're a time bomb."

-Tove Lo

Louis thoroughly abhorred the new green carpet. He could hardly stand to even look at it, much less allow it to touch his actual feet. It would just be too cruel to allow something as innocent and naked as his bare feet to be caressed by something so tastelessly chartreuse as the new carpet. But it wasn't even the carpet itself that had Louis so churning with inner turmoil; it was the fact that he had signed away all of his rights to complain about it.

Louis William Tomlinson exists to complain. While most biological organisms stay alive by ingesting food and converting the calories into energy, Louis literally keeps his internal organs pumping by complaining at least three times a day. He could probably live without food or water for weeks on end, as long as there was someone nearby to listen to him gripe about how hungry he was.

But the circumstances that had lead to the great carpet debacle had been well out of his control. The day after the release of his, "Guess what guys? I'm gay!" article (it was actually titled something slightly more tasteful, but that was just beyond boring) his management had advised that he stay away from social media for a few days. Luckily for Louis, his ever-so-helpful boyfriend had just grabbed onto that idea and fucking ran with it.

Joshua had immediately installed a parental control app on Louis' phone that blocked him from the internet, then had changed the passcodes on every internet-enabled device in the house. Louis was graciously allowed to still watch whatever he wanted on the telly and glean whatever information he could from it, but this proved futile at best. If he watched entertainment news for a good three hours, he might be privileged with a few mentions of his name, but this practice soon led to Louis standing on the couch, remote thrust in the air like a sword, screaming, "I cannot be expected to rely on this antiquated picture box for information! I will not stand for this barbarism!"

Joshua would respond with an icy, "Please don't stand on the couch."

After two weeks of existing in an internet-free hell dimension, Louis knew that some sort of compromise was going to have to be made. He decided to wrap his devious plan into the good news he'd been hiding from Joshua for weeks.

"I've made a bid on a new house." He blurted, not fussing with any sort of preamble. Joshua froze, looking up from the dishwasher he had just opened.

"You're buying a new house?" He clarified, void of any telling emotion.

"Well, actually, we're buying a new house." Louis said, hopping off of the counter top he'd been perched on. "I mean, I'm still paying for it and everything. But I want to think of it as our house." Joshua stayed silent, looking down as a grin began playing at the corners of his mouth.

"You want me to move in with you?" He repeated, still trying to hide his smile. Louis stepped forward and slipped his arms around Joshua's waist.

"I want your name on the lease." Louis said, low and intimate, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. "And I can't wait to hear what your mum says when we're officially living in sin."

"Lou!" Joshua laughed, pushing him away.

"And it's double sin, too, what with all the sodomy." Louis continued.

"Ugh, stop. That's such a gross word."

"But in all honesty," Louis said, tone shifting, "things have been going so well lately, I think it's time we started to spoil ourselves."

"I whole-heartedly agree."

" And I want you to pick out all of the floors and counter tops." Louis continued, garnering an enthusiastic smile from Joshua. "But on one, teeny, tiny condition." Joshua's smile fell as Louis handed him his phone, open to the parental control app.