Cardboard mattresses

[chapter 2]

The issue with sleeping in a tent is that the walls are very thin, well if we're being technical they're non existent. Normally June didn't really mind it when the others where loud she could sleep like a log however tonight her stupid fucked up brain decided that there was no sleep for the wicked.

An hour later she'd drifted off, although she later wished she hadn't.

"JUNIPER GET DOWN HERE NOW" a harsh voice called up the stairs of the house,
"Coming mum" she called back, shoving her sketch pad underneath her sheets and rushing downstairs,
"Your brothers been sick, clean it up please" her mum barked at her from where she sat on the couch, a glass of red wine in her hand and a cigarette in her other.
"Oh" June looked at the kid who sat on the floor in-front of her, sick on his face and his hands screwed into balls as he wailed, crying for his mother.
"Okay kiddo let's get you cleaned up" and she scooped her little brother up and took him into the bathroom.

Setting him down in the bath she stood up, the dirty mirror that hung above the sink caught her off guard, the girl looking back at her was covered in blood and had shards of glass and metal protruding from her cheek. She gasped trying to hold on to the sink to catch her body as it fell in slow motion and a screaming baby's wails pierced the air, but to no avail as the sink melted in her hands and she fell to the floor, waking up with a jolt.

Sweat covered her and she shoved the various layers of blankets and sleeping bags off of her. "Fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck" she groaned, grabbing at her hair desperately trying to catch her breath. Panic grasped her body and she fumbled with the zip on her tent, desperately trying to escape. Flinging her body out of the tent onto the floor of the forest, grasping at the dirt, air heaving in and out of her lungs and her body shaking in effort as she tried to expel the memories from her mind. Her hands held fist fulls of soil and leaves, sharp twigs sticking into her calloused skin, pulling her body along the damp floor, she lay there in a blind panic for another ten minutes before the air began to get easier to breathe and the memories seeped out of her bones into the mulch on the forest floor.

"Juniper, kiddo, you okay?" Maeve put a hand on Junes back, kneeling down besides her. If there was one person in her life that she truly cared for, it was Maeve. Since she'd moved / been kicked out of home Maeve had been the one of the only people to care for her, she'd often sit with June after her panic attacks which usually came after nightmares and had a way of talking that just calmed her down, her relative nonchalant attitude towards life was refreshing in some weird kind of way and proved to be useful in the manner that June was definitely an over thinker and Maeve being the opposite they made a good match.

"June hon, you want a spliff?" Maeve said gently helping her up from the ground,
"yes please" she replied and the pair walked over to the campfire that a few people were sat around, smoking, chatting and eating and took no interest as the pair walked over. She looked at her watch 3:46am, hey at least she didn't have to go to school tomorrow.

Taking a long slow drag on the blunt, June breathed out, letting her breath dissipate into the night sky, she shut her eyes, internally cursing herself for who knows what at this point, she had very little self respect and having someone scrape your shaking body off the dirt isn't exactly confidence boosting. She knew Maeve wouldn't judge a soul and she trusted her with her life yet somehow she couldn't shake the feeling that she was going to fail in life, a dramatic conclusion to draw from the small interaction a few minutes prior maybe, but her brain was going simultaneously at 100mph and 3mph, an effect created from the weed and the residual panic from the nightmare.

"Hon, you never have told me about your nightmares" Maeve said looking at the kid who'd placed herself neatly on a fold out camping chair and wrapped a blanket around herself, "don't get me wrong you don't have to tell me but I'm just being nosey"

"No it's fine Mae, they're not really about anything specific" this was a lie, they definitely were "just general life crap ya know" she said slumping down into her chair

"Oh I hear you kiddo, sometimes I dream that my toenails are being painted by giant ants" Maeve laughed at herself, "I'd like to know what the fuck a dream psychologist would think of that" and she cracked open a beer taking a large swig and sighing rather dramatically.

It wasn't that June really wanted to lie, no not at all, in fact If she was gonna tell anyone anything it would be Maeve but not in the short 14 years she'd been on this planet had she ever had someone to open up to. Sure her parents never hit her, she'd been fed and had a house to live in but they were never really there, not like a parent should be. She'd always been jealous of the other kids at school when they'd come in with dioramas of mountains and volcanos for the geography projects that their mum or dad had clearly made for them. She'd watched as her friends parents bragged about their kids, their voices caked with pride and love and a look in their eyes as if they'd never seen something so beautiful before as their little ones played and laughed.

Jealousy was an ugly emotion, Juniper hated it.

Honestly she couldn't remember much of her childhood, she probably didn't want to either so she didn't make any sort of attempt to jog her memory.

It wasn't until 6 months before she left the house that things got really bad, she'd been depressed most of her life, nothing much sparking any joy or giving her anything of a reason to live the only reason she stuck around was for her little brother but one day she'd just decided she'd had enough but to her horror she'd discovered the car crash that was supposed to kill her failed miserably at its one purpose and now she was very much alive and with an opioid addiction of sorts.

Remembering those days was incredibly painful and June flinched at the memory, trying to wipe it from her poisoned mind, quietly watching the flames of the campfire dance and fly and light up the faces of the men and women who sat nearby, sparks floating off and fading into darkness. Sometimes she wished she could be as pretty as a fire or at least as impermanent as a spark.

She cleared her mind from the plague of memories that were trying to breach, her best efforts to surprise all emotion was futile so she moved on to the next best thing, putting out the spliff on her exposed ankles murmuring slightly at the white pain that ate at her nerves. She flicked the small bit of singed paper off into the fire and turned to face Dylan who was trying to get a moth to leave him alone.

"You look fucking stupid" she said meeting his eyes and he shot her a glare, flailing his arms around more before hitting the insect out of the air.
"There it's gone, now who's the stupid one" he huffed with the hint of a smile flashing briefly across his eyes, "you know you shouldn't be so rude June it doesn't compliment your features" and with that comment she picked up a near by beer can and threw it with a surprising amount of force at his face, he batted it away, or attempted too, his arms flopping at the air, a grunt leaving his mouth as the can made contact with his head, "fuck you too juniper"

god they were too high for this and soon beer bottles were getting chucked in every which way, lazy giggles filled the night sky and then a crack as the flimsy camping chair that June was sitting in broke leaving her on the ground, this only made them laugh harder until her cheeks hurt and her belly ached. She scooted along the ground and grabbed Dylan's arm, yanking him off the chair he'd been sitting on.

Now both of them lay on the floor, somewhere through the giggles Junipers joy turned into tears and she began to sob quietly. 
"Oh no" Dylan cooed at her and grabbed a large leaf that lay next to them, carefully wiping away her tears which were then quickly replaced with laughter, "leaf tissue it's a lessue" she laughed almost hysterically now,
"Oh my god June" Dylan said sitting up suddenly and looking her dead in the face "you're so right, this could be a company"
"Woah" June gasped, "it could be, we could be rich"
And in their drunken, high, stupid state they stood up and began to dance a strange mix between a tango and ballroom dancing around the fire.

Maeve buried her face in her hands and watched the two teenagers through her fingers, even though the ridiculous pair were absolutely out of their minds at least June was smiling, something Mae hadn't seen for a long while.

a real smile.