I recently stumbled across a topic being discussed in an online group I'm in. There, self-sabotage was being talked about. At first, I was like 'I don't do this, so I don't need to be involved in this conversation'... however, the topic kept hanging around inside of my head.
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This ☝🏼 Yup, this is why I realised it wouldn't get out of my head, because self-sabotage was already in my head.
For over a year, I'd say, I have been an in denial self-saboteur.
When I want something, I find reasons to not have it. When I set a goal, I find excuses to not reach that goal. When I have those brief moments of thinking I can take on the world, the world suddenly becomes too overwhelming to be in.
I can go from feeling like the leader of a kick-ass pack, to feeling like a trembling wallflower.
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Now that I know this. That I am aware of it. I need to now own what I am doing to myself.
As a writer, self doubt can often cripple me. It's something I have unfortunately gotten very used to. But self-sabotage, that's affecting not just my writing, it's bled out into my everyday life.
That, has to stop.
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All of the above, I put my hand up to doing 🖐🏼
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The self-sabotage circle..... God, I know it too damn well!!!!
There's so much I want to do, places I want to be, goals I want to reach... so I need to start working on myself.
Firstly, I must stay kind to me. Stay true to me. Give me time to adjust to being a self-saboteur.
Then, I can begin a new beginning. Make friends with this self-confessed version of me.
Work.... I know I'm good at it! Technology/Admin at work..,. I'm getting better at it! Writing.... I will self-publish in the coming year! Home.... Me and my family shall move! Photography.... I'm going to buy a camera! Travel.... I will go to those places I want to be! Getting older.... yeah, that's still a 'Work in Progress' 😜
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I'm putting the above quote here as well, because nothing is truer.
We stop ourselves. We tear ourselves down. We are often our own worst enemy.
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This ☝🏼 A thousand times over... THIS!!! ☝🏼
I'll see you on the other side, my fellow self-saboteurs!!!! 💪🏻💋
