Sarah Paulson mental health one-shots

Wilhelmina: I can't take it off...

"I can't take it off." "Take it off" "I can't" "Take it off..." TikTok sounds has nothing to do with this lol sorry- Also peep the picture of Sarah, it's not new but I really like it.

Okay now for the trigger warnings (TW): Self harm, self harm scars, vulnerable position for reader, fresh cuts, death, anxiety.

Alright and with that out of the way, enjoy and stay safe.

"Her rooms clear." Ms. Mead's voice says roughly from just through your bedroom door which had been open for the past eight minutes as she searched for tea bags that had been stolen the night before from Ms. Venable's personal collection in the kitchen.

Frankly you hadn't even known that the tall redheaded women who everyone feared even had a collection of tea. You only knew that Ms. Mead had come and told everyone that their rooms would be searched due to the fact that the "rare to find in an apocalypse" tea had gone missing and you happened to be the first to get searched.

"Should we search her?" Ms. Mead offered up. I could feel my feet go numb as the words left her mouth.

Ms. Venable paused, she looked at me through squinted eyes before replying. "Yes, go search the next room and we will take care of this." She motions towards the guards standing a few feet behind me.

My face goes white and I probably look insanely guilty. The two guards push me towards my room and through the door. Ms. Venable sits on my bed, "Take your dress off." My heart freezes. Those shards of glass I drew across my skin last night haven't faded and won't for about a week.

"I- I can't..." I whisper grabbing my fingers and twisting them. Again I probably look so guilty.

"Excuse me. Ms. Y/L/N. You will do as I've asked you or I will have them do it for you." She spits back nodding at the guards behind me. I shake my head and tears brim my eyes. "Please, please don't make me take it off..."

"You are testing your limits Y/N. Take the dress off or they will do it."

I take a breath, "no..." Ms. Venable lets out an airy laugh before the guards began to unzip the back of my dress. The deep purple gown slides off my body leaving me in my undergarments. Ms. Venable's face remains the same, caught in a slight smirk. I feel the tear I had let itself go. Her eyes shift form my face to my legs and stomach where red lines cover my skin.

"Get out right now. GET OUT GODDAMMIT." She yells to the people behind me and they fumble to exit the room. The door shuts aggressively with their hast to leave. I'm still standing in the center of the room, eyes to the floor letting the tears drip down my cheeks freely when she speaks up, "Look at me."

I can't, god I can't jesus. She isn't going to say anything I haven't heard before about how disgusting I am. She'll probably say I'm a selfish and stupid girl for hurting myself when I'm so lucky to be alive right now. "Y/N I asked you to look at me." Her voice is softer which causes me to look at her. Not so much because she asked me to but because I'm shocked she sounds almost kind.

"I'm going to assume..." She pauses, which also shakes me slightly. Ms. Venable always knows what to say, she is always correct and punctual and on time and- " I'm going to assume, that you've done this before given the amount of...cuts you have." She looks me up and down again. "I want you to tell me, why it happened again." Although she is still stone cold hearted Ms. Venable who beats us for being late and kills people for breaking rules she is almost kind looking at the moment. As if under the restricting black dresses and tightly, perfectly pinned back hair she could actually care about something and be worried about me.

"I'm alive, I eat and sleep and bath. But I feel like I'm dead. I feel like I'm outside rotting away under some broken building like everyone else. I feel like bones, cold bones and I can't feel anything. And I'm so sick of it. It hurts. It only ever hurts." I start to cry harder "I need it to hurt for a reason and not just come from nowhere." I drop down to the floor and use the palms of my hands to hold up my head as I cry.

I flinch as an arm wraps around my body. If I wasn't so vulnerable in this moment I'd probably pushed her away from me and be freaking out. But instead I lean my head into her and cry. I ended up crying myself to sleep because when I open my eyes I'm no longer on the floor. I'm in bed and more importantly I'm not in my own bed. I sit up and rub my puffy eyes, Ms. Venable is sitting across from me watching the fire form a chair.

"Ms. Venable..." I softly mumble scared that when she turns around the soft version I saw the last time I was awake would be gone and replaced with the cold mean one the rest of the people here knew.

She turns around and looks at me, "Hello, I brought you to my room to keep an eye on you. And um I cleaned your..." She cuts off slowly, I look down and notice the areas I had cut myself on where covered with white bandages. "Oh, uh thank you. That was very kind of you." I reply still keeping my voice down. I look away from her still feeling small under her gaze, I look around to room. Besides the bed I'm in and the chair she's in, there is a closet like mine, a shelf holding multiple books and a doorway leading to what I can guess based of my own room's layout is a bathroom. The only thing that doesn't fit is the second bed on the same wall as her's but on the other end of the room. It doesn't fit because it's my bed.

"Oh yes, I had your things moved here. I want to keep an eye on you." Her voice is just as soft as the night before if not softer. "And we are going to have to talk about what happened to you. I won't take no for an answer you are going to do what I've told you without any disagreement, understand?" Even though her words are big and serious she is still being gentle.

"Okay..." I whisper. "Thank you."

AN: I hope you guys find this alright given I haven't written in a while. I came up with this sort of in the shower soooo.... idk anyways. Also I didn't preview it after for mistakes so sorry about that.

Stay safe and if nobody has said it yet today. "I love you, you are important, your feelings are valid and it's 100% okay and normal to not be okay. You can do this, you can keep going." xoxo bye