Sarah Paulson mental health one-shots

Cordelia: Eating Disorder

Onto the TW: OCD, ED, Binge eating a, Stress/Anxiety, crying.  (I have Anorexia Nervosa and ARFID and I had to drop out of school and leave my job right now for treatment.That was todays Inspiration)

Cordelia POV: 

The house is silent, night has always brings a chill down my spine. Even as an adult when it came time for the sun to go to sleep and I had to turn out the lights and walk the hallways in the dark, I still get nervous. But that's not what's going through my mind. 

The kitchen lights are out but still I can make out the figure who's woken me up, Y/N's small body is going through the fridge. She grabs out jam and milk and places it on the table next to a bag of bread, cereal and a box of scones. Her shaky hands rip open the bag of bread and start hastily spreading jam over it. She takes a large bite closing her eyes before opening the cereal box and pouring a large bowl of it and filling it with milk. Between bites of her bread she eats spoonfuls of cereal.

I stay long the wall in the hallway watching her, she doesn't eat much during meals mostly just pushing her food around. She skips breakfast and only eats a snack at lunch. But here Y/N was eating as fast as she could. I feel at a loss. I watch as she finishes, before washing her bowl and placing it back on the shelve. And returns the half empty containers of food where they usually sit before standing at the counter and breathing slowly. 

Y/N POV:

I glance around the kitchen, everything is back where it belongs, nobody needs to know and everything is going to be fine... I stand a bit longer before walking towards the hall and up the stairs. What I don't notice is Cordelia slipping into the living room out of sight before following behind quietly.

I make it to my room which luckily I don't have to share. My course of actions are predictable in my head. I do this every time. I don't eat much for days on end until its to much and I'm starving to the point it hurts too badly to keep it up. Then I sneak down and binge my heart out. I make sure everything goes back to not draw attention to the largely missing amounts of food. Then I go and lay in bed and immediately regret everything I've just done. I have to stop eating.

I crawl into my bed and wrap my blanket around myself and start to let the thoughts of what I've just done fill my head. 'I WAS JUST SO HUNGRY I WONT DO IT AGAIN I'LL STOP EATING AND IT WILL BE BETTER AGAIN. I PROMISE I WON'T DO IT AGAIN."  Tears make their way down my cheek just as a warm hand pulls my shoulder down and my body rolls to face them. It's Cordelia.

"O-oh god" I cry choking on my breath. "oh god Delia" I cry harder, she sits down on my bed and lifts my head into her lap stroking my hair as I sob. 

"Shhh, I'm here for you okay? I got you." Delia hushes in my ear well she cradles my head. I choke on my sobs. 'Nobody was suppose to know.' 

"I'm not broken I promise Delia. Please don't be mad. Imfinereallypleasedontsendmeaway"  All my words come out fast and jumbled as I turn my head to look at her. "please..." I whisper as our eyes meet.

She closes her eyes for a moment and I realize she is going to leave me. She's mad at me, I'm done here. Then her eyes open and she looks down at me in her lap. "Y/N, I'm not gonna send you away sweetie. I'll never send you away. But we need to talk about what's going on right now. I saw you downstairs, I know what you're doing. I've read about this kind of stuff before I started my job here and this is hurting you." 

"I don't want to talk about it-" I whisper, the little rivers of tears slowly drying up on my face. It's sorta funny how close friends my cheeks and the salty water droplets have become over the past year. 

"Y/N that's not an option this is clearly getting out of control hunny." She moves a strand of hair out of my eyes. 

"Please don't."

"Darling, we have to-"

Cordelia POV:

"No, NO. I'm not doing this, I'm not gonna drag you into something that you can't fix. I'm fine please." Y/N says raising their voice. She shifts her head away from me but still keeps in on my legs.

"Y/N."

"PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE"

"Y/N-"

"NO CORDELIA. JUST STOP!" I flinch and slowly take my hands off her head. She starts to cry again, I look down at her before slowly moving her head off my lap. "Okay. Fine, I'll leave you then okay. I'll go now." I get up off her bed but wait at her door for her to stop me, when she doesn't I step out and close the door.

I stand in the hallway, I don't know what to do...

TIME JUMP NEXT MORNING

Y/N POV: 

I wake up with puffy eyes. The events of last night enter my head and I face plant my head into my pillow. 'God, how am I supposed to go about my day now?' I drag myself out of bed and to my dresser to get dressed. As I'm changing the sun starts to come up and through the window, half the world is starting to wake up and the other half is about to go to sleep. Half the world sees the sun and the other sees the moon. So weird how that works? 

I walk into my bathroom and brush through the tangles in my hair and try to wash my face hoping the cold water will bring down the redness around my eyes. It only helps so much so I decide to just leave it and head downstairs. I pause in the doorway of the kitchen as I see Cordelia. The other girls are sitting around the table eating and she's drinking a cup of tea and listening to their conversation.

"Good morning Y/N" Zoey says smiling as she notices me 

"Mornin" Misty greets me right after grabbing and orange from the bowl behind me before sitting down at the table, "Your eyes looking a little red, ya okay?" She asks as she peels the orange.

"Oh, ya no I just- my eyes where itchy last night and I kept rubbing them. Terrible habit I have." Misty nods and goes back to eating and listing to the girls talk. I catch Cordelia watching me before she shifts back to the girls.

I feel like I have to eat to prove to Cordelia that I'm fine, so I grab an apple and a knife and go sit at the table. I cut the apple in half and then in half again and then into smaller cubes before starting to eat the little pieces. I can feel Cordelias eyes on my but I try to seem like I don't notice. 

The girls one by one or in pairs finished and start to leave to room, meanwhile I'm still working on my apple. I sit there slowly eating and avoiding Cordelia's eyes. Zoe and Queenie are the last to get up and go, leaving me with Miss. Cordelia.

"Y/N..." 

I pretend I don't hear her looking out the window about the counter.

"Y/N, please I know you can hear me. I didn't sleep at all last night, I'm worried about you and I want to help. Believe me you're not dragging me into something. I want to help you."

I turn to face her, and the moment I look at her I want to burst into tears. And then it comes out all of them. I bury my face in my hands, "Delia I'm so tired" I cry.

She moves chairs to sit next to me and holds me in her arms, "I bet, I know sweetie." 

"I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry Delia. I'm sorry I yelled at you." She kisses my forehead.

"I forgive you, we are gonna be okay. Alright, you and I are gonna figure something out." 

I nod my head and lay my head on the space between her collar bone and neck. She rubs my back and keeps telling me everything will be okay.

xx Hope this made sense I rewrote it too many times and it took me like a week total. Anyways, stay safe and take care of yourself. Love you xoxo

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