In my words

Heather

Heather: a desirable person that everyone loves and wants to be with.

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A desire to has have always been the core of his being, he had thought of what he wants and he yearns for. Has anyone ever asked him what he truly desires? None. Decades of being thrown into poverty to being dragged into the throne of tyrant's tyrany. Lain was a man who was used to praises- praises that one might not consider being given.

A man who kills. Kills for work. Kills for fun. With fucked up morals and stains of blood on his hands, they join together in front of the statue of the God, faking the prayer he was supposed to not. He was the kind of man who would ask Jesus out for a drink in a church- with no remorse what so ever. Whether it was the god or the king of his kingdom-

Both don't give a shit about if I live or die, so I might as well-

Live the way he wants. Not following the social norms of the society. The need for a degree, having a name to put on stake, wooing women for the sake of flaunting his charm. It did not interest him. Though he was not a commoner, he was born of a lower-class noble. The kind that mattered but did not at the same time. Since the age of 5, his mother always sang the notion of "you must be successful. No matter what." Singing the song of success and hardwork when the child has barely been talking for a year now.

Lain often wondered, "is it really necessary?" To have the luxury to live? To have exert himself when he didn't want to? Couldn't he just live a normal life? A stable job with not much difficulty, coming home to comfort, not having the baggage to appease anyone. Was it a wrong thing? Young Lain did not know, thought of curiosity chipped at his consciousness, he was too much of a coward to go against the will of his parents. In the end, all he wanted was to live and keep his parents happy. He assumed, that studying more than other children would please his parents.

Only if.

Man is an incarnation of greed. It does not show mercy nor does it wishes for the well-being of other. A love which was dependent on the laid out conditions did not meant to everlast. No matter how many times he brought a gold medal or attempted to please them.

"Its all your fault!"

The words of the past still ringed in the back of his head.

"Its because of you we took that huge loan!"

"Its because you didn't become successful!"

"You're just a burden! We should have never had you! We should have never invested so much in you!"

The words sting. Whether they were spoken in the past or in the present, they mattered to him, they still hurt him. Hanging onto his heart like an arrow pierced through a deer's flesh, digging in and out of the flesh whenever the deer moved his muscles.

A life of a man who had no will of his own. Living with countless unspoken wishes, wishing to be heard and yet, not having the courage to speak them. Just how many times did his lips quivered for him to give up on the very thought of unsealing them. Wishes can either be forgotten or- be fulfilled. Lain knew this more than anyone, how he wished for them to be fulfilled, how he desperately wished but- trusted none to make them come true. He was the kind of man who wouldn't even trust his own shadow to guard him in his sleep, what made others misunderstand that he would trust them?