RIGHT IN THE FEELS (a compilation)

Attention

"Why won't you take me back?"

I looked at you and sigh. It's not the same as before, when I look at you and I wonder what happens in your pretty little mind and how you often turn up in mine. Now, all I feel is the great exertion I pull off whenever I have to deal with you.

Yes. You feel like a fucking chore all the way from head to toe. You exhaust me.

"We were never together. I cannot take you back, technically," I shrugged and let my eyes wander off elsewhere, knowing full well that you wouldn't appreciate that.

You never liked that, not having my entire attention to yourself. But also would literally let me fucking die than admit you want me. Fuck you.

"Was it that night? I told you, I was confused!"

My head snapped back to you in an instant, feeling my veins brimming with fury. How dare you? How fucking dare you!

"You lead me into your world! Five seconds later, you denied even knowing me and let me be escorted out of that godforsaken place right into the waiting hands of those sickos who, oh! – almost tore a goddamn vein out of my wrist when I told them clearly I just want to go home!"

You were silent for a minute after my outburst as I try to regain my composure. You sure know how to take my calm as much as you're adept in taking my peace.

You were never good for me. You're never going to be.

"So that is why?" you mumbled while looking at me, although it almost sounded like a squawk. "But that night, I was in need of saving, too. It's why I couldn't come to you sooner."

I heaved a long sigh before finally speaking my truths. I am exasperated by your presence. I just want this to get over with.

"I never asked you to save me. Seriously. Fuck you, you know?" I hissed in annoyance. "You think I'm a fucking damsel that needs saving, fuck you, because I survived that night without you or anyone else's help."

Your breathing is erratic now, it's staggering that you are staying still. You didn't say anything as well, so I continued.

"I never asked you to do anything heroic for me. Hell, I never even asked you to look at me, not even to stay," I paused, hearing the strain in my voice and feeling the lump in my throat. "All I asked from you was for you not to break me. I'm already wounded as it is, fuck you, and you didn't even have a second thought to dig the knife further. I'd say, you even twisted it for good measure, you sadist."

I didn't let you spew another shit as I gather my things and stand up. I leveled my gaze unto yours as I held the strap of my bag over my right shoulder.

"You could've left me alone from then, but as I've said, you'd kill even me for my undiluted attention, wouldn't you now?"