Reviewed by: Zo
Author: Istill_wantyou
Before I get onto the review, a little note; I tend to be extremely harsh or critical, so I hope that none of my words offend you in any way and that you use them to better your story. Okay, let's go.
My first impression of the story was relatively good. The title was nice, I haven't seen a title like that before, so kudos to you. The cover, I felt, wasn't anything special, and could've been better, because right now, it just seems dull. The blurb is straight up confusing because you have stuffed everything into one single sentence. Essentially, your blurb is made up of three sentences. I would suggest you separate them so that it doesn't feel like a word dump straight to our face.
Now, we enter the story itself. One thing I dislike very much is character introductions. They spoil the entire mood of the story for me. Normally, I don't really mind them, since they'll just give us the characters' aesthetic. But, when the author gives us a whole information dump about the character at one go and gives a breakdown on the main characters at the very start of the story, that just takes away from the fun of reading a story, because, other than the plot, etc, readers read a story for the characters, and to see how they unfold and develop. The author just dumping information about them at the very start isn't... ideal. It would've been better if the author had shown everything that was mentioned ('almost everyone's favorite', and 'cold towards almost everyone, etc), since that's the beauty of storytelling.
And to add on to that, you haven't mentioned or shown a single thing in the actual story about Taehyung's past experiences with women, or how they 'throw themselves' onto him; you just said it once in the blurb, and that was it. And I don't like that, because, actually showing it in the story could've added so much more to Taehyung's character, before he met the main character, us.
The first chapter was really confusing, for various reasons. <'completing assignments which are due tomorrow at 11 am and it's already 4 am.'> is wrong, because if it's already past midnight, you consider it as the same day. <'#sadlife'> isn't something that is encouraged to use, unless it is a text fic. Myra and Y/N speak only for a couple of minutes, an hour at max, and suddenly, it's already 7 am? I would suggest the author proofread their work, and get facts about their story straight, because you're confusing the readers, and that's not what any author would want.
Grammar. That's somewhere almost everyone goes wrong, and you weren't an exception. The grammar, vocabulary wasn't perfect, there were many flaws present. You tend to use excessive amounts of punctuation marks, which is unnecessary, and there are flaws in tenses too. Sentences are framed awkwardly, and so it takes away from the story, making it seem very ordinary. I don't wanna rant too much about this, but I'll just end it by saying that grammar and vocabulary aren't the story's strongest forte.
Right now, the story is like a typical, cliche sort of love story, if you could even call it a love story, because, love does not happen that fast. Love isn't like that at all, so, despite it being fictional, I found it difficult to take this all seriously. Adding pictures (and videos) in between your story is a huge no from me. Not only is it distracting, but it's also contradictory to storytelling. You're supposed to show us everything using words, not pictures. It just makes it seem very unprofessional.
The story is like any other normal story anyone could make, it doesn't have anything which makes the reader go "wow!" upon reading it, and that's something authors should work on. But it isn't a terrible story either, so keep going, and keep in mind everything I've mentioned. Hwaiting!
If you have any questions, you may directly ask the reviewer yourself or tag MochiSaysLachimolala here in a comment --->
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