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Review: Escape From Reality

Reviewer: Zo

Author: Gonewiththewind03

Before I get onto the review, a little note; I tend to be extremely harsh or critical, so I hope that none of my words offend you in any way and that you use them to better your story. Okay, let's go.

I had a mixed first impression of the story. Solely judging by the book cover, which has pictures of all seven characters smiling, and all the hearts on the cover, one would assume that the story is a lighthearted and fun story. At least, that was what I thought, and so, the title didn't appeal much to me, since such a deep title wouldn't relate. I was very much mistaken, and so it's vice versa now. The book cover doesn't match the story at all, so I would suggest a little change in it because that would help in avoiding confusion.

The blurb is pretty good, it induces curiosity. The only drawback is the grammatical errors. If they are fixed, then I would say that the blurb is pretty good. Entering the book, we get the character aesthetics, and you have made the same mistake here; initially, the overall theme of the story is a sad one, because the characters don't have the best life, and have extreme difficulties in their lives. The character aesthetics are all very colorful, and smiley, completely contradictory to what we understand to be the actual characters' lives. I know, I'm going on about such a minor thing, but it really has an effect on readers, so fixing it could be a good idea.

Entering the story itself, I would just like to say that I really really like the story. The concept is really nice and touching. I like how every character is their own person and is different from each other, but they also have similarities. They all have their own problems, which were described nicely. However, I would've loved if the author had elaborated more, and shown how each character felt during their past struggles in more detail than just a few long sentences summarising their saddening lives. Yes, that may make the story longer, but that way, you would be building the characters in a much better and more effective way.

The story has unreal concepts, but that can be ignored seeing as the story is a fantasy one. I feel as if the story has loads of potential to be a brilliant one, only if it has been elaborated. Right now, everything seems to cut off and be rushed. It isn't completely bad, but I feel as if it can be much much better if all the information given in two or three lines would be elaborated into many paragraphs or even a whole chapter. Adding more insight on info that is already mentioned can help a lot.

The only weak point of the story, is the grammar, punctuation, particularly. The author tends to add multiple exclamation marks at the same time, and that's wrong. The dots used, are called ellipsis <...>, and its universal value is three. Nothing more, nothing less. So, the places where the author has used <..> or <....> are wrong and seem unprofessional. All the dialogues are italicized, and the author says that it's their style, and it's okay, but if you really want to differentiate the dialogues from the other text, I'd suggest making them bold, rather than italicizing them. I personally use italics only when I'm showcasing flashbacks, and when I want to show emphasis on specific words because italics helps a lot for that. Bolding the dialogues can be a better way to highlight them, instead of italics, but that's just my suggestion.

The writing style is a mixed one. Sometimes, it's really eloquent and meaningful, but other times, it just seems... awkward. I don't know how else to describe it, honestly. I think it's because of how the author tends to mention a lot of important things in very short and brief descriptions and ends it at that. Changing that, I feel, can help a lot.

The story is a very nice one, I really liked the concept, it's a refreshing change. If the author works on everything I've mentioned, I'm sure that the story will be a really awesome one. The review is very long, so I hope it helps the author on their journey to becoming a successful author. Hwaiting!

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, feel free to message the reviewer directly or tag MochiSaysLachimolala in a comment here ---->