Open Wound

Chapter Three

Sean climbed out of the shower with a head full of buzzing thoughts. He'd spent too much time focusing on his naked body and hiding from it, and as water washed away the shame of arousal from the day previous, he realized something had to be done.

"What about Vex?" The words left his lips before he realized just how obvious the answer was.

Byleth furrowed his brow as Sean combed his wet hair. The fallen king's golden horns shone in the bathroom light where they curled up from shoulder-length blond hair. "I don't know, sugar. I don't feel good about you spending more time with them."

Zagan slipped his hands into his pockets as he leaned against the bathroom arch. "I'm a bit worried about how much you've been thinking about them," he said.

Sean slipped into a purple tie-dye sweater and paused. He hadn't realized it, but Vexis had been on his mind more than usual lately. "I'm not going to leave you guys for Vex, you know," he assured both Byleth and Zagan, but they chuckled in response.

"We know," Byleth teased. "That's not what we're worried about. Did you forget just who Vexis was before you discovered their identity? And that wasn't so long ago."

"Within the last year," Zagan agreed. He ran a hand through his black half-shaved hair. "How do we know they're safe now? That we can trust them?"

Vexis' voice broke over the conversation as it echoed from the aether. "I won't hurt him in ways he doesn't want, okay? If he goes, I go, so of course I'm not going to destroy him."

Byleth narrowed his eyes as he looked toward the ceiling. "And we're just supposed to take you at your word? Are you forgetting what you did to him?"

Sean leaned over the sink. It was scary, but it had to be the answer. He was sure of it and he had to finally say it out loud. "I need Vexis to heal."

Byleth and Zagan looked at him incredulously. Zagan was the first to speak as his voice wavered with sadness. "What about us, babe?"

Sean closed his eyes. Things were going to get difficult, and he suspected it. He knew why, and they had every right to be suspicious of Vexis, but things had changed. "I know how it sounds, but you've got me wrong. You guys are doing your best and I don't want you to go anywhere—"

"We won't." Byleth snorted. "But what are you getting at?"

Sean looked into his reflection in the mirror, and for a moment, he didn't feel repulsed by his own reflection. He turned his head to view different angles as soon as he realized it, attempting to find an image that didn't make him feel hideous. It was low self-esteem and nothing more, but there were too many factors that Sean could remember enforcing the gnawing feeling of self-disgust.

The way his mother brought up who he was pre-transition, and commented on how beautiful he used to be, caused an identity crisis more than once. Her co-worker said he looked better as a girl when she showed old pictures. People on social media dropped off when he transitioned throughout the years, and he'd lost friends for other reasons.

Some guys he'd been friends with had asked about intimate details, like body parts, and if he'd keep his vagina after he came out. It was all they cared about, they didn't want to know who he really was beneath their superficial lust. One even said he was too pretty to do that to himself. That was all before he'd started testosterone and got top surgery.

How could he argue with all of that? Being ugly on the inside and outside was what he feared most, and so much confirmed it. There had to be some way to fix it. Somehow.

Sean finally stood straight and looked at Byleth and Zagan. Darokin had joined them and stood in the dark doorway to the bedroom. "I think Vexis holds the key to fixing my trauma and my sense of self," Sean said, finally.