Dw bout it

Truth 6

It's happening again.

Your hand is wrapped around my neck.
I can't breathe.
I never can breathe.
I fear you.

It feels like I'm drowning. The water is slowing rising until I'm lost in the water. I'm lost in my tears and my desperate need for air.

I feel your other hand.
Torturing me.
Ruining me.
Forcing me into something I didn't want nor was ready for.
I'm not ready.

I wait. I wait for you to be done. I wait for you to release your grip. I keep waiting. It feels like hours that are only minutes.

I hate this. I hate you. I hate your hands. I hate your face. I hate it all.

I hate how much you torment me. I hate that I have to pretend to keep it all together. I'm falling now.

I'm falling from a tall building- never knowing when I'll hit the ground. Never knowing when it all my end. Always in constant fear but not able to do anything about it. there's no escape.

The scenery changes. I'm still falling but not toward a flat surface- I'm falling into an ocean of voices.

"Why?"
"How come you didn't stop her?"
"You can't fall behind. You can't repeat. You can't go backwards."
"It's your fault."
"Just act like nothing happened."
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"This always happens."
"There's always a problem with you."
"Why can't you just stay out of these kinds of things for once?"
"What's wrong now?"
"Why didn't at least call for help?"
"Why didn't you just push her off?"
"Why can't you just be normal?"

I can't make these voices go away. No matter how much I try to swim to the top, swim to the safe zone, I get pulled down. Further and further.
It's getting harder to keep up with everything and everyone. It's getting harder to try and breathe.