Dark skinned Dreams

Green.

I ripped the LED lights off my ceiling.

It feels like mockery when an inanimate object has more emotion than you.

I had to train myself to keep off the blue lights or it would be another night of tears.

Red wasn't allowed cause it just reminded me of what I lost.

White was too harsh. It's light blinded my eyes and showed every dark mark and bruises on my skin. My skin looked dry and ragged from my hot showers and no aftercare.

I'd click the color to pink but It was too feminine. Did I deserve to be basked in such light when nothing about me matched it? My nails were bit to the skin, my face felt nothing but bar soap, not a fragrance touched my neck, and my lips were ragged from constant chewing. I couldn't even force myself to look at my palms from the rough skin I had begun to peel away after my lips were shredded and my nails gone.

I wonder what I'll attack next when I can't peel my hands and destroy the feeling to touch.

Orange felt like a hug I didn't deserve. It baked the white walls of my room in honey and summer secrets. Sneaking out to hidden cars parked down the street and racing down empty streets. My heart couldn't bare so I switched it to green.

I've never had a color match me so well. Green was disgust. My facial features became to dark to see and my own skin no longer had its brown but turned dark and greyish. I felt like a new being. If I could close my eyes and melt into the color I would feel more human than I do now. Green made the room blurry and the corners disappear.

It wasn't until sunlight peeked through the blind that my humanity sunk in. Another night wasted to my blank state.

My bones ached as I stood up and ripped the lights from my ceiling. The paint under had chipped and left brown streaks.

I still don't care.

Anything was better than those stupid fucking lights.