Humorous Nonsense XII

HoUsE tOuR (Not IRL)

(This was not edited ahead of time) (I also can't
remember if I used this meme before or not...)

*camera turns on to show Millie standing there with her hands clasped together in front of her and a forced grin on her face*

Mille: Hello! As you all know, I'm Millie and I'm sure you will all be delighted to know that Dallas is back in good health!

Dallas: *flips the camera around with a smile and a slightly bruised face* Yes I am! And I know more things!

Millie: He does! Dallas learned that I wasn't lying! He learned that spirits and ghost are real and that Lila and Elliot aren't just figures of his imagination. He was pretty freaked out when I went upstairs and started speaking to Lila and Elliot.

Dallas: I thought you were insane. I mean, you are quite strange, but I thought you needed to go to a hospital...

Millie: *abruptly laughs and scares Dallas* *points at him with a wide smile* Dallas, darling, you said you thought that you needed to go to a hospital. Not the other way around. You wouldn't catch me dead in a hospital.

Dallas: *nervously eyes her* Wh-where would I catch you dead?

Millie: *stops smiling and stares deep into his soul* You would catch me dead in many different places, Dallas. Never a hospital though. Always remember that, darling.

Dallas: *visible confusion* *turns the camera a bit to shoot it a horrified and disturbed look* *mouths the words 'help me' when he notices that Millie is looking elsewhere*

Dallas: *clears throat* Moving on.

Millie: *looks back at him* Oh, right! *shuffles a little and gets into place* Ladies and gentlemen, and gays and non-binary bitches, the moment you have all been waiting for- *points at Johnny* Drumroll please!

*Jonathan starts doing a drumroll with toothpicks on a book cover nearby* *plot twist, it's Millie's upcoming book 'The World of the Presumed Dead' that is suppose to release sometime this year-*

Millie: *snaps and points at camera* HoUsE tOuR. WhOoP wHoOp.

*hears Daveed squawking excitedly at her words downstairs*

Elliot from upstairs: THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE.

Millie: *harshly glares at the ceiling* SHUT UP OR I SWEAR IM GOING TO SEND YOU TO HELL YOU BASTARD. THAT IS NOT AN EMPTY THREAT EITHER.

Dallas, with his hands on his hips: I will gladly help you take him to hell. He would probably fit in there. I hardly know him, but I assure you, he belongs in hell.

Millie: Lila would get depressed if I sent him to hell, so I can only put him in his place, which I just did. But El isn't our main focus right now, Dal! Our main focus is hOuSe tOuR!

*shadow monster starts dancing in the corner*

Millie: *laughs and claps at their dancing* All my friends are so talented! I can't relate. BUT NO DEPRESSING SHIT. ITS HOUSE TOUR TIME AND THE ENTHUSIASM FROM ALL MY BITCHES IS KILLING ME, SO LETS TOUR THIS BITCH.

Dallas: *smiles* Yeah, let's do this-

*the two suddenly teleport to the front entrance*

Dallas: *quickly looks around in confusion before looking for Millie's reaction* *surprise surprise, she had none* What in the hell just happened?

Millie: *shrugs* The mystery of my home still haunts me even after living her for so long. You get used to the madness after a while and learn to no longer question it. *boops his nose and giggles* You become a part of the madness.