The Flying Dreams

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

I texted Shifa to inform her about my absence and she just sent a thumbs-up emoji after 3 hours and two minutes later, she sent another text, take care. A smile blossomed on my face and for a moment I forgot why I had come to Divya's hostel room and kept my eyes attached to the bright screen, rereading the two words more than I had read my notes for exams. Divya must have noticed my distracted interest and quite forcefully, nudged my shoulder while supporting a playful raise of mouth, wiggling her eyebrows she glanced at my hands, pointing, and waving her pen toward my phone and almost reached forward to grab it from my hands but before she could even touch my hand, I locked the screen and placed my phone back on the table. She just laughed, probably thinking still that I was texting Wahab when I hadn't talked to him since last week after my ummi had thrown the arranged date of my wedding on my face without a prior warning. The amount of guilt and shame I had been carrying on my shoulders ever since couldn't be put into words and with lame reasons and excuses, I had tried with everything in my being to shift half the blame on Wahab's shoulders. Of course, he could have called too but he never did, sometimes he would text me to ask for my preference on certain things, green washbasin or basic white or send the photos of his newly decorated home and our shared room and I knew he was probably too busy making the arrangements to call and with only a month left, a few close relatives might have already arrived there and he couldn't call and talk to his bride around others. But I didn't wish to hear his voice wither and feel my heart break all over again. Talking to him and knowing that he was about to have a wife who didn't love him, didn't appreciate him when he did nothing wrong turned out to be more burdening thought than one might believe. I simply didn't deserve him and the reason for my dejection was not an innocent yearning to have more freedom. Sure, I had a taste of it, and I never wanted to give it away too soon, but Shifa played the most important role in my remorseful change of mind.

Who gave her permission to be so accepting and understanding and supporting and caring and considerate and beautiful and just... her?

That day, I had shed more tears than I ever had in the 21 years of living with my family and when I finally stopped, the sun had already set. Shifa had refused to move from my side and her hands never stopped caressing my hair, though somewhat awkwardly, as if she had no idea what she was doing but knew that I liked it and I remembered asking her to leave me alone for a few minutes and she had, without a question or probing or demands to know why I was crying in the first place, and I had been more than thankful for her silent care. In those minutes, I took the time to even my breathing and calm myself down with reasons and a small pep talk. Then, I told her the reason when she offered me tea in the red mug. She had listened without interrupting and at last, after she was sure I had finished talking, she asked if I wanted advice or just needed her to be a quiet listener. I opted for the latter option. Because I knew her advice would differ from my values. My father had arranged the date and going against his decision would be a fatal blow to his pride. I would rather break my own heart in a hundred pieces than break his.

"Wahab jiju?"

I tried not to physically flinch at the sound of his name on Divya's tongue and with a forced smile, which I was sure looked fake enough to have her suspect me of adultery, nodded, avoiding looking at her at any cost before getting back to the book but no matter how much I stared or forced my mind to focus on the words, my mind kept getting strayed. Why had Shifa taken so long to reply when her phone was always in her hands? She had a headache and a mild fever before I left for Divya's and of course, my mind imagined the worst-case scenario. What if she got sicker? She wouldn't tell me about it when I was out and suddenly, I shut my book and Divya turned back on her chair to give me a questioning look.

"What? Time for a break?"

"I want to leave, Divya. Shifa was sick when I left, and I think her situation might have worsened."

Divya laughed and furrowed her brows, casting a fast glance over the two empty beds of her roommates, "She is not a child, Adia. I am sure she is fine."

With each second passing, I felt my heart getting heavier with worry and seeing the look on my face, Divya reached for my phone and without my permission called Shifa. Showing me her name on the screen and pressed the speaker button. The phone rang but she didn't pick up. Immediately, my eyes jerked up to find Divya's and she pouted before hitting the call button again, but Shifa never picked up even after the fifth call.

"See? I told you and she never leaves her phone unattended. I want to go home."

Divya watched me pack my books in the bag and nodded, passing me my notes that she had been studying from, "I am done with those, you can return them after revision."

"Alright, it's late, let me call Vivek, he'd drop you off. His father lets him drive his car."

And as if just realizing the time, I took a quick peek at the wall clock and almost didn't want to go through it. Metro wouldn't be available at 11:30 and I wasn't comfortable with sitting inside a cab all alone. But disturbing Vivek for my peace of mind felt too selfish, so I shook my head and asked her not to call him, but she just squinted her eyes like she was dealing with a toddler rather than a grown-up. Irritation was written all over her face but I didn't care.

"Are you stupid? Look at the time."

"But what if he is already asleep? You know what? I'd stay. I am going to see her tomorrow evening, anyway and she is not a child. Yes."

Divya just shook her head with a humiliating raise of her brows as if believing my words were impossible and the whole universe was aware of it, and I knew the skeptical gaze was meant for me. She called Vivek and put him on speaker, to my surprise he picked up on the first ring. Of course, 11:30 wasn't the usual time for sleeping but I always slept before the clock hit 11 and still found it surprising that most people didn't sleep at a reasonable time.

"Hey, what are you doing? Not busy, I assume."

"No, I was going to study, but now I don't want to. Why are you asking?"

Divya's gaze flickered to me for less than a second before telling him the reason for calling. I had expected a mild refusal, but Vivek's yes sounded too enthusiastic, and I couldn't stop my lips from parting, "You want to drive, don't you?"

He laughed and sounds of tousling followed, he was already on move, "Yes. Papa doesn't allow me to drive unless it's an urgent matter and dropping off my female friend, saving her from the streets of Delhi is the most urgent emergency. I'll be there in half an hour."