Love, Rosie

13

She spends about ninety percent of her math class thinking about Aussie. And Chaeyoung. It's okay for her to have a feeling that it might be Chaeyoung, right? Some of the things Chaeyoung says are just so Aussie that it makes Lisa feel slightly hopeful. She knows she shouldn't.

She wants to remain neutral, because if Aussie is someone else, she will love her regardless. But Chaeyoung is one of the prettiest people she's ever seen, and she doesn't know how she'd never noticed it before. Chaeyoung had been sitting at the same lunch table as her since Lisa's sophomore year, and she can't comprehend that she'd barely noticed the girl until now.

She guesses it's because Chaeyoung has always been quiet, only ever talking to Jennie. And there was that one time... the day her friend had made a comment about a girl having a crush on her. And Lisa had realised that it was Chaeyoung, only a few days ago. Honestly, when Lisa was so far in the closet she hadn't even clocked that she wasn't straight, she was lowkey homophobic. Not in the way where people go around shouting about gay people being sinners, but more... quietly freaked out about the idea of girls kissing other girls. She'd never been bothered by gay men, and it was always Sapphic women that she was genuinely kind of terrified by.

So, when her friend had made that comment back then, she'd awkwardly laughed it off, not wanting any of that to be associated with her. And she didn't realise it'd been Chaeyoung. She's fully aware that some offhanded comment doesn't make Chaeyoung gay, but she's almost certain that she actually is. Which means she could be Aussie.

And it means that Lisa had laughed at her and made her insecure two years ago, so that's great.

In the end, she doubts Chaeyoung remembers, and if Lisa tried to apologise for it, she'd probably think she's a little crazy. But they're meeting for lunch, so Lisa can buy her that ice cream she'd promised, and Lisa's at least going to try to talk to her about it. Not about her being Aussie, though. While she does think Chaeyoung could be, Lisa's still not out to her mom. She needs to deal with that first.

When the bell finally rings, she's relieved. But also nervous, because lunch with Chaeyoung. She hates that she's so jittery around Chaeyoung, even if she's outwardly good at playing it cool. Maybe it's because Chaeyoung is so pretty, and pretty girls make Lisa nervous by default. Or it's because she could be Aussie. Or maybe a combination of both.

She's humming happily to herself, on her way to the parking lot, when it happens.
"Hey, Lisa."

Again? Lisa thinks to herself when Dave Simpson catches up to her after class. "Um, hi."

"So, I'm just going to cut right to the chase and say it," he starts, and she cringes internally, because this is the kind of thing that's uncomfortable to her. "Do you want to go out some time?"

"Uh, no. Sorry," She answers, and when he looks a little angry, she adds, "I'm kind of... seeing someone." Because it's not entirely a lie. Even though Aussie isn't her girlfriend yet, she's still hers.

"What?" He frowns at her like she'd just spoken another language. "Uh, why were you acting like you were into me the other week at lunch, then? You were all over me until your friend showed up and interrupted us."

On what planet were my one word responses and awkward grimaces me being 'all over you'? Lisa wants to question, because she's certain she's sent enough negative signals to this guy. She danced with him at one party, and he's barely left her alone since.

"I really wasn't." Lisa states, because she fucking hates guys like these, the ones that equate politeness with attraction. "Now if you don't mind, I'm meeting my friend."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Dave follows her, and she rolls her eyes and picks up her pace to get away from him, pushing open the doors to the parking lot. "Sorry, but you don't get to lead me on one day then reject me the next."