Secret (Ben Solo x F!Reader)

II

You stare down at your cup of caf, hoping it takes effect and wakes you up soon. All you want to do is see Ben, apologise, make things right and let him know that you want to be with him. That's all you've ever wanted; is to be with him, despite your mom and her opinion on him.

The house is silent, your parents still asleep. And you wish Ben had stayed the night. Waking up next to him would have eased your anxiety about today. Sighing, you finish your morning drink and head for the door. It's still dark outside, but you'll catch transport to the Base soon enough.

As you sit outside for a few minutes, you finish your caf and set the mug aside. Just as you see the transport shuttle come into view. It touches down and you feel yourself becoming even more fearful. When you board, your eyes immediately look for those of your boyfriends, but he's nowhere to be seen.

"Y/N!" Someone calls your name out and you turn to see Finn and Poe, sitting beside one another and beckoning you over, "You look like shit." Poe adds, looking you up and down.

"Thanks," you sit beside him, running a hand over the flyaways coming from your braided hair, "Maybe that's because it's 4:30am.

Poe chuckles, "4:30 is nothing."

Widening his eyes, Finn shakes his head, "Maybe not to the squadron leader but for the rest of us, it's the worst."

You nod in agreement, forcing a smile to your lips as you look around at the seats once more, just as the ship picks up a few more people from the housing compartments before making it's way to the base.

"Hey, uh," you speak up, looking to the two boys, "Have any of you seen Ben?"

"You and Ben, huh? Getting awfully close." Poe raises his eyebrows, giving you a teasing look as he nudges Finn. If only you knew, you think to yourself, holding back a smirk.

"Yeah," Finn grins at you, "you got a crush on him?"

You roll your eyes at your friends, wishing you could tell them about how you actually have the biggest crush on him. "So you haven't seen him?" You wonder, taking the conversation back to your question.

Poe shakes his head while Finn says, "He went to Base early, made his own way there, probably with the General."

"Oh," you mumble, cursing at yourself once more because you know he's acting this way because of you, "Weird. He never does that." You think out loud, looking outside the window to see the base come into view.

Finn just shrugs as Poe directs the conversation to something else, but not before making one last joke about you and Ben.

When it's time for everyone to get up and make their way to their stations to prepare for the mission, you can't help but try to look for Ben. And when you're unsuccessful in doing so, you start getting really worried.

What if he decided not to go on this mission?
No... he wouldn't do that, he has to pick up the spice shipment. Oh fuck, the spice! Will Ben even want you to come along still? What a mess.

Ben.

You reach out, closing your eyes briefly to try and feel him.

Ben, where are you?

Upon not receiving an answer, you begin to get frustrated at the boy. What the hell is his problem? Sure, you were mean, but does that warrant being completely ignored?

"Y/N?" Poe speaks up, one hand coming down to rest on your shoulder, "What's taking so long?"

You snap out of it, shaking your head and quickly rushing to the weapons table. "Sorry, Poe! I mean... Sorry Gold Leader," you correct yourself, though it's odd being only slightly younger but still friends with your superior, you still have to address him properly, "I got distracted. It won't happen again." You excuse yourself.